All the Salt in the Sea
by MandiLeigh8
Summary: FAIRLY FOOLISH SEQUEL! Saltwater. It heals our wounds. But the process is painful. Aria and Ezra have been happily married for four years. Or so it seems. As they struggle through difficulties that life has thrown at them recently, how will they react when secrets begin being revealed? Nothing but the plot line and kids belong to me.
1. Fairly Graceful Or so it Seems

**It's here! I have decided to post the first chapter to the sequel of Fairly Foolish a day early! I am in love with this story plot line and I hope y'all enjoy it as well! It is very different from Fairly Foolish but is filled with more drama! **

**If I get 10+ reviews on this chapter I will post the next chapter on Sunday! **

**Amanda**

* * *

All the Salt in the Sea

Chapter One: Fairly Graceful . . . or So it Seems

The sweet melodic sound of laughter wafting up from downstairs fills my ears as I struggle to dress my four month old son, Brennen, who is wriggling beneath my grasp.

"Bren, bud can you just stay still for two minutes so mommy can dress you?" I ask him, he responds with a toothless smile and tries to wriggle away again. Finally, after several minutes he is dressed in a navy and white striped bodysuit and denim overalls. Outside the window overlooking Brennen's changing table, the late March weather is gradually warming up. Snow has finally begun to melt, leaving small patches scattered here and there throughout the backyard.

I pick Brennen up, and am on my way into my room just as Lila and Benjamin, my four-and-a-half year old twins, suddenly come bounding into the room, both squealing with delight.

"Mommy they're here!" Ben shouts as he jumps up and down on the just-made-bed with excitement.

"Okay Benny, I will be right down. Now get off mommy's bed, I just made it, you crazy boy." Lila and Ben dance out of my bedroom and down the stairs and I hear my three best friends, Hanna, Emily and Spencer, happily greeting them and asking where I am. I quickly toss Brennen's pajamas, that I'm still holding, into the laundry hamper and follow the kids downstairs where I'm instantly greeted with hugs.

"You look great Han!" I compliment, hugging Hanna tightly, causing her to blush.

"Oh please, you look stunning!"

I turn to Caleb next, carefully wrapping my arms around him as he is holding his and Hanna's sleeping little girl, Sophia.

"Are you excited to meet your little girl yet?" I smile as I hug first Emily and then Maya.

"Yes! We can't wait! She is due in just a few weeks and our surrogate is so excited for us to meet her!" Emily gushes, her smile reaching her eyes. I turn to embrace Spencer and Toby next.

"Liam already took off with Ben." Toby tells me, pulling out of our hug.

"I'll have to hunt him down to get a hug and kiss out of him now!" I smile. Spencer laughs and I notice her cheeks radiating warmth. I shoot her a knowing smile, and she leans closer to me so only I can hear her say, "Don't say anything. We are going to announce the news in a while. Now you have to act surprised." She smiles and I have to contain a squeal of happiness as I pull her in for another hug. Turning around I see that Ezra is already deep in conversation about something sports related with Toby and Caleb. Maya and Emily are sitting on the couch next to Hanna who is helping Lila hold Sophia. Ben and Liam are sprawled across the living room floor, deeply involved in a role playing game involving cars and trains. I place Brennen in his bouncy seat on the floor and creep up behind Liam.

"Boo!" I whisper in his ear and he spins around, squealing, to face me.

"Auntie Ari, why you scare me?" He giggles as I pick him up.

"Because you didn't give me loves!" I say, kissing him on the cheek. He quickly responds with a wet kiss and struggles in my arms, anxious to get back to playing. I set him on the floor and he scurries off to Benjamin and the toys.

"Hey, Spence, want to help me get lunch ready?"

"Sure!"

"You know I haven't even had breakfast yet." I laugh as we walk into the kitchen.

"Ugh, neither have I. This morning sickness is killing me this time around."

"How far along are you?"

"Fourteen weeks yesterday."

"Spence! Why didn't you tell us sooner?" I say in surprise.

"We found out just a few days after you had planned this get together so we wanted to wait and surprise everyone."

"So, you've only known for, what, three weeks?" I say bewilderingly.

Spencer nods her head. "Yeah, I didn't show any signs until I was about eleven weeks along when I started having horrible morning sickness. Toby and I were surprised when the doctor told us how far along I was already."

"I would have been surprised too!" I say, pulling ham, turkey and cheese out of the fridge and setting it onto the counter next to the bread. Spencer reaches into the fridge behind me, pulling out the condiments.

"Hey can you grab those bags of salad too?" I ask.

"Yeah." Spencer sets her armful of supplies on the counter and we begin making lunch, catching each other up on our lives.

Several minutes later we have a platter piled full of sandwiches, a large bowl of salad and a pitcher of iced tea ready. We carry the food and pitcher of lemonade out into the living room, setting it down on the coffee table in between the two leather sofas where everyone is sitting. As I stand up from placing the bowl and platter on the table, I feel Ezra's soft, warm hands on either side of my hips. He gently spins me around to face him, pulling me by the hand away from the table.

"Thank you for the lunch babe. It looks great. I'm glad you decided to still have everyone over, I know how much we've gone through in the past few months and I'm glad to see you smiling again." Ezra whispers in my ear then leans forward kisses me chastely on the lips.

I give him a small smile, but for the first time in months it's not the forced ones I've been giving him and the kids, this time it's real. "I'm glad too. I'm having a good time. Come on, we better get some sandwiches before they are all gone." I smile again and Ezra takes my hand back in his, leading me over to the food.

"Mmm Mommy these are good sammiches!" Lila grins, her mouth full of sandwich.

I giggle lightly. "Lila, chew your food before you talk sweetie, you know the rule."

"Sorry Mama." She apologizes, though her mouth is still full.

* * *

As everyone is finishing up their food, Spencer and Toby suddenly stand, tapping their glasses of lemonade. I squeal inside, knowing what they know and what the rest of my friends are about to find out.

"Spencer and I would like to make an announcement." Toby says after everyone has quieted down, even the kids, who have looked up at him curiously, wondering why he tapped his glass.

"Toby and I are expecting!" Spencer squeals with delight. The whole room erupts into applause and cheers. Emily, Hanna and Maya jump up to hug Spencer, I stand off to the side, waiting for them to finish congratulating her, since I've already done so. Toby is standing next to me, Ezra and Caleb slapping him on the back and saying their congratulations.

"Aria! Get over here! Didn't you here Spencer's news?" Hanna says cheerily.

"Yes, I knew before you guys did." I say guiltily.

"What?! Why did she find out before us?" Hanna asks.

"Hey know, she figured it out all on her own when I got here. I didn't even tell her." Spencer explains quickly.

"Well that makes sense, she's been pregnant enough to notice when someone else is before they even know it themselves." Emily laughs, and even though I feel a sudden pang in my heart, I laugh along with the other girls.

"So how far along are you?" Maya asks once we've stopped laughing.

"Fourteen weeks yesterday."

"Wow so you already only have about five and half months to go then huh?" Maya says. Spencer nods.

"Does Liam know yet?" Hanna asks.

"We've told him that he is going to have a baby brother or sister to play with like Lila and Benjamin do, but he doesn't really understand yet that it takes time for babies to get here. He keeps asking when we are going to go get the new baby." Spencer laughs.

"That's great he is being so curious and accepting about it though. Lila and Ben were the same way, and they just love Brennen to pieces. Of course I'm not sure how long that will last once he has started getting into all their things." I add and we all laugh again.

The rest of the days goes by quickly and we are all sad but tired when it's finally time for everyone to go.

"Mommy I don't want Liam to go home. Please can't he stay?" Benjamin begs when Spencer and Toby announce they should be heading home. Both Hanna and Caleb, and Emily and Maya have already gone so it's just Spencer, Toby and Liam.

"Buddy, Liam has to go. But we'll see him again soon okay?" Ezra gets down on Ben's level, taking him onto his lap.

"But I wanna play still."

"Me too." Liam whines.

"You know what you two? Auntie Aria and I will talk and we will plan a night for you to spend the night with each other okay? But right now we've got go home. It's getting close to bedtime for both of you and you don't want to be tired in the morning do you?" Spencer explains. Liam and Ben instantly light up, smiles spreading across their faces.

"Mommy said we can seep over soon!' Liam squeals, hugging Ben.

"Leave it to kids to only hear one side of the explanation." Spencer says, standing up and grabbing Liam's coat off the rack. We all laugh.

When Spencer and Toby have finally made it out the door with Liam, I glance at the clock. It's nearly eight P.M, already past bedtime and the kids still need baths.

"Okay! Bath time! I'll grab Brennen and Daddy; you grab these two silly monsters!" Lila and Ben scream and begin running throughout the house. I pull Brennen out of his swing and into my arms. I have just stepped onto the landing at the top of the stairs when I hear the twins squealing and giggling loudly. I can tell by the sound of their laughter that Ezra has caught them both.

Thirty minutes later all three of the kids are sound asleep in bed, having fallen asleep easily after such a long exciting day. Ezra and I, tired as well, head back downstairs to watch T.V before heading to bed ourselves.

"Oh Titanic is on and it just started, let's watch it." I say, cuddling up under a blanket against Ezra. He flashes me his look that says, 'seriously?'.

"Ezra, please, I haven't watched the entire movie in years." I beg.

"Fine, but you're not going to be able to stay up that late to finish watching it anyway."

"Oh well. I can record it." I press the red 'record' button on the remote and then toss it beside me on the couch, snuggling deeper against Ezra. His lips find my hair, and he slowly trails his mouth down the back of my neck to my shoulder blade, leaving my skin tingling where his soft lips have touched. His left hand slips beneath the blanket, skating across my inner right thigh. Then suddenly he is flipping me onto my back, his mouth pressing firmly against mine as his hands move south.

"Ezra. Ezra." I gasp.

"What?" He breaths.

"We can't do this."

"Aria, yes we can."

"No, it's only been a month. The doctor said I still need time to heal."

"Aria," Ezra pleads, his voice filled with sadness. He pulls me up so I'm sitting in front of him. "Baby, you are healing. It's okay, we can do it."

I shake my head; tears begin to fall from my eyes. I bury my face in Ezra's chest, sobbing now.

"Hey. Aria. Shhh. It's okay baby. It's okay. You did so well today. I'm so proud of you. I know it was hard but you did it."

"I don't know how much longer I can go on pretending like everything is okay." I cry, my voice being muffled by Ezra's shirt.

"Aria, I know it's hard healing from what you've gone through. I had to go through it with you too? Remember? We're doing it together, and it may take a little longer for you to feel how you once felt, but you are getting somewhere. Look at me." Ezra pulls my face up to look at him. My sight is blurred with tears that continue streaming down my face.

"I love you Aria. I will always be here for you, and you know that."

All I can do is nod and cry. Because even though I know it's the truth, sometimes it feels as if I'm alone, like all the salt in the sea can't heal me.


	2. If Time Could Stand Still

**OMG! Thank y'all soo much for the reviews on the first chapter! 15! **

**I realized that I forgot to mention when posting the last chapter that some of it was taken from the epilogue of Fairly Foolish in order to give a little background and start this story. Also to the person in the review who mentioned Benjamin and Brennen's names being close, I just chose a third name that I like really well and thought fit with the Fitz's so I's sorry if you think they are too close.**

**And to one guest review: Do we know the same family!? Lol I also know a family with three boys, two of which are Benjamin and Brennan! **

**I am so glad y'all are loving the confusion drama of the story! Trust me it only gets better and soon enough you will begin to find out what's wrong with Aria. **

**Enjoy this chapter! **

**Amanda**

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Chapter Two: If Time Could Stand Still

When I awake the next morning, soft sunlight is streaming across the room. I roll over and look at the clock. It reads fifteen minutes past nine A.M. How I actually managed to sleep for this long I have no idea, but I'm glad Ezra hasn't woken me. I climb out of bed, grab clean sweats and a t-shirt from my dresser and put them on. I stop on my way out of the room to glance at myself in the mirror; my hair is a mess so I quickly pull it up into a loose ponytail.

Ezra is sliding pancakes onto the twins' plates when I step into the kitchen. Brennen is sitting in his bouncy seat chewing on a teething ring, his empty bottle next to him.

"Good morning baby." Ezra says when he sees me. The twins turn around in their seats.

"Mommy! You're awake!" They shout in unison, jumping off their chairs and running into my open arms.

"Good morning love bugs." I say, kissing each of them on the head.

"Daddy made cakes!" Ben smiles, pointing at his plate. Ben and Lila have called pancakes 'cakes' since they were two, unable to say the whole word.

"I see that. Are they yummy?"

They both nod their heads. "Do you want some mommy?" Lila asks.

"Of course I do. Mommy's tummy is hungry."

"Daddy, mommy wants a pancake." Lila tells Ezra, who has already placed pancakes and fruit on our plates.

"Already done Lila-pie." He says.

Ezra puts our plates down on the table while I move Brennen onto the center of it, then we sit down next to the twins and begin eating.

* * *

After breakfast I help Ezra clean up the kitchen while the kids play in the living room. Ezra sneaks up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist as I place dishes in the dishwasher.

"Did you sleep okay last night?"

"Once I finally fell asleep, yes."

"When did you fall asleep?"

"A little after two."

Ezra shakes his head. "Aria, that medicine isn't doing its job very well if you're still having trouble falling and staying asleep."

I turn to face him. "Ezra, I've already changed meds once, I just think this one needs a little more time to work."

"But you've been on it for nearly two weeks and it has as much effect as the last one did. Maybe you should take some sleeping medicine before you go to bed."

I shake my head. "I can't, not with the medicine I'm taking, and then I will always have to rely on it to get me to sleep."

"Aria, it hurts me seeing you like this. The twins don't understand why you don't play with them like you used too."

I reach up to caress his cheek. "I'll get better. I just need more time. I'm sorry about last night."

"Oh baby. Don't apologize. You had a long day yesterday and that we both knew that a breakdown was coming. I know you need more time. You've come so far in just a few weeks. I just wish it wouldn't take so long to get you back."

"I know. I want to get back too." Ezra pulls me close to him, and we stand hugging each other for what feels like a lifetime, so long it seems, that my shattered soul should be put back together again when he finally lets go. But yet I'm still broken.

* * *

Shortly after we awake from an after-lunch nap, Ezra suggests that we take the kids to the park. The sun is shining, and all the snow left over from yesterday has completely disappeared, leaving soggy grass and streets that shimmer in the sunlight.

Ezra and I quickly pack up the kids and some snacks, along with some extra coats as the wintry chill still clings in the air. The neighborhood park is just a few blocks from our house, which makes for nice walks during the cool summer evenings, and caters fantastically well for children of all ages. Just a block down from the large wooden playground is the community pool and splash park; dozens of fountains of water spray upwards in the air during the summer for kids to run through.

We pull into the parking lot just a few minutes after four thirty P.M, Ben and Lila shouting excitedly in the backseat of the car.

"Look Lila there's the park!" Ben says animatedly, pointing out the window.

"Yay, daddy hurry and unbuckle us!"

"Hold on kiddo. Daddy only has one pair of hands."

"You know Lila, you and Ben could unbuckle yourselves. You two are big kids now remember?" I remind the twins as Ezra and I climb out of the car to open the back doors.

"But we don't know how mommy!" Ben says, as if I should know that.

"Well I will show you how."

"Okay, but first I want to go play!"

Ezra and I laugh. "I figured you probably would." I tell him as he climbs out of the car. "Ezra can you grab the stroller from the back?" Ezra nods.

"I'll help you daddy." Lila asks.

"Yep, but I need you to hold my hand okay Lila-pie?"

"Mhm!" Lila takes his hand and they move to the back of the car. My phone suddenly rings as I'm placing Brennen's car seat onto the stroller. I pull it out of my purse and look at the caller I.D.

_ Incoming Call: Mom_

"Hey Ella." I say, answering the call.

"Hey sweetie, I just thought I'd call and see how you are."

"I'm doing good Mom. Ezra and I just got to the park with the kids." Lila and Ben tug on my free hand as we reach the end of the path. I nod, letting them know it's okay to go play. Ezra motions that he'll keep an eye on them so I sit down at a picnic table next to the stroller.

"Oh! I bet they were excited!"

"Oh yeah, they were."

"Good. I miss my grandbabies. So how was your visit with Emily, Spencer and Hanna yesterday?"

"It was good. I'm glad they all got to come over. Liam and Sophia are getting so big, Emily and Maya's little girl will be here in just a few weeks, and Spencer announced that she is expecting again."

"Oh how exciting! I will have to come over next time so I can see them all."

"Yeah, I'm sure they would love that."

"So, how are you really though sweetie?"

"Mom."

"Aria, I want to know. I worry about you."

I sigh, "I had a breakdown last night after everyone left. Ezra wanted to have sex, but I…I just couldn't do it. He thinks this new medicine isn't helping, but I want to try it out for a little longer."

"Aria, if it's not helping then you need to tell your doctor. This would be the second type of medicine they've given you that hasn't worked."

"It is helping Mom, though not too much."

"See, you need something that helps with everything you're experiencing."

"I'm tired of dealing with doctors' visits."

"Well honey, you're not going to get any better on your own. Your doctors are here to help you, and you know that, so let them."

I sigh again. "Alright, I'll give this medicine another week and if I'm still not improving I'll go back to the doctor."

"Thank you honey. I just want the best for you and I know what you're going through is difficult, but you can get through it. You've always been good at getting through difficult things, and you have an amazing support team here for you. Just don't forget that okay?"

"Okay."

"Alright. I'll let you enjoy your time at the park with Ezra and the kids okay?"

"Alright. Thanks mom."

"I love you sweetie. And tell Ezra and those babies that I love them too."

"I will. Love you mom."

"Bye."

"Bye."

Brennen coos and I look over the side of the stroller into his car seat.

"Hey bud," I smile, caressing his soft cheek. "Let's go swing with your brother and sister." I stand and push the stroller across the grass and into the bark at the edge of the playground. Lila and Ben are swinging side by side, Ezra playfully pushing them higher and higher. They smile when they see me carrying Brennen over.

"Mommy, are you going to come swing with us?" Ben asks.

"Yep, and Brennen is going to swing too!"

"Yay!"

"Mommy watch me!" Lila says, pumping her legs forward and back.

"Good job Lila! Ben can you pump your legs?"

"Yeah! See?"

"Good job baby! You two are getting so big!" The twins grin, pumping their legs and swinging higher. In the moment, even with so much on my mind, it's hard not to be happy and proud as I push Brennen in the swing and watch Lila and Ben excited over their new accomplishment.


	3. The Unwinding

**Thank you all again soo much for the wonderful, and many, reviews! I love that everyone has theories about what might be wrong with Aria, and that y'all are so curious to find out whats wrong.**

** Jill -Thank you for mentioning that! I wasn't able to research about that at the time I was writing the chapter, no internet access. **

**And to all who are wondering if they missed something with Aria, perhaps in Fairly Foolish, no you have not. Remember this story takes place right after the epilogue of Fairly Foolish, which is four years later. Everything has gone mostly well until recent. **

**Okay, are you guys ready for this? You'll finally get a little more info on whats going on with Aria! Enjoy! I can't wait to see the reviews for this chapter!**

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Chapter Three: The Unwinding

_Shrill cries of an infant pierce the air. It's the fourth time in as many nights that I have been jolted awake by the wailing of my three week old newborn. Annoyed, I throw back the covers off of me, as I glance over at Ezra who is still sleeping soundly. I can't believe that he hasn't been woken up. I stalk out of the bedroom and into the nursery next to me and Ezra's room. Brennan's frail little arms flail wildly from inside his crib. I step up beside his crib and pick him up, shushing him as I sit down in the rocker beside the espresso crib. I struggle for nearly fifteen minutes, just as I have to do with every feeding, to get him to latch correctly in order to get milk. Frustrated by the time he finally latches, I begin to cry. _

_ "Why aren't you as easy as your brother and sister Brennen? Why do you have to give mommy such a hard time?" I cry. "Why can't you just nurse like they did, and sleep through the night like they did?"_

_ "Aria." The sound of Ezra's voice shatters my thoughts. I glance up to see him silhouetted against the light beaming in from the hallway. Ezra steps over the threshold and walks over to me, sinking down on his knees beside me, his hand sweeping strands of hair out of my tear-stained face. He stares at me, his ice blue eyes, usually so full of happiness, are filled with pain and sadness, and soon tears are streaming down his cheeks too. _

It's a little after six in the morning. I'm tossing and turning as I do almost every night at some point while I try in vain not to think of the past four months. Rolling over onto my left side I stare at Brennen sleeping peacefully in his crib. Last night was one of the few nights he has slept through the night, and even though I didn't sleep well, I'm glad one of us did. Brennen looks so fragile, so tiny, in the large espresso crib that was once Benjamin's. Ezra and I saved both of the cribs, knowing that we would one day have more children. Ezra had only wanted to keep one, but I had reminded him that there might be a time when we would once again have two children, though different ages, needing the cribs at the same time. Though now it seemed that having babies in both cribs may not be as big of a possibility as I had once thought it might.

Brennen suddenly stirs, pulling me from my reverie. I lay quietly, hoping he will stay asleep, but he begins to cry. Sighing, I toss back the covers and walk over to his crib. Brennen's little lip is in a pout, his ice-blue eyes watery with tears.

"Oh, my sweet boy, come here." I gently lift him from the crib and sit back down on the bed, leaning against the headboard. "How about we see if you're hungry?"

I pull an already made bottle out of the mini fridge next to my night stand, and place it in the bottle warmer that sits on top. After a couple of minutes it's warm. I sit back down on the bed and offer the bottle to Brennen, but instead of latching on he begins to fuss again. "Okay, okay, bud. Let's change your diaper and see if that helps."

"I'll do it Aria. Go back to sleep." Ezra says sleepily, suddenly sitting up next to me.

"It's okay. I was awake anyway, and he might be hungry after."

"Babe, I can make him a bottle. You need your rest; you've been tossing and turning all night."

"Ezra, I want to do it. I won't be able to get back to sleep anyway." I say angrily.

"Sweetie, calm down. I know you want to, but please let me help."

"Fine." I say, reluctantly handing Brennen over to Ezra. I lie back down; burying my face in my pillow and after several minutes, somehow manage to fall back asleep, though my dreams aren't any better than my reality.

_"Aria Fitz?" A young nurse wearing pink scrubs, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail, stands at the threshold of the door leading from the waiting room into a hallway lined with doctors' offices. I stand up beside Ezra, who is carrying a sleeping four-week-old Brennen in his infant carrier, and we follow the nurse down the hallway. She stops just outside of an exam room._

_ "Go on in and have a seat. Dr. Hartly will be with you momentarily." Ezra and I sit down in the cold plastic blue chairs, waiting anxiously for Dr. Hartly to walk in through the door. This isn't just any normal doctor's visit, where Dr. Hartly normally checks up on how Brennen is doing. Ezra, frightened by how emotional, easily aggravated and seemingly nonexistent I had been since Brennen's birth, had begged me into making an appointment with Dr. Hartly to find out why my hormones seemed to be all out of whack. This time I was the patient. _

_ Finally after what seems like several minutes, Dr. Hartly walks into the room, shutting the door behind her._

_ "Hello, Aria and Ezra. Oh, look at him, he is getting so big." Dr. Hartly comments, as she peers at Brennen. "So, Aria, I understand that you haven't been feeling yourself since Brennen has been born?" _

_ I nod my head. _

_ "Tell me what's been going on." _

_ "I just...I…" I glance over at Brennen, sleeping soundly after what has been another bad night, tears welling in my eyes. "He doesn't sleep, I don't sleep, he cries all the time. It's so hard to breastfeed him because he doesn't want to latch on. I get easily frustrated with him when he is crying or won't nurse and I don't know why. I feel like we aren't bonding, it's almost like he isn't even mine." _

_ Dr. Hartly frowns. "Aria, from what you're describing it sounds like you are suffering from postpartum depression. It's something many mothers have to cope with after the birth of a baby, whether it's their first child or third." _

_ I stare at her in shock, tears that were welled up in my eyes, begin to spill over. "But, I can't have it. I was so happy during my pregnancy, so excited…"_

_ "Aria, it's not something we can control, it just happens, even to the best of us."_

_ "I don't want to feel like this anymore. I want to be happy again, and I want to enjoy my baby." I cried. _

_ "Fortunately it is treatable. There are medications we can put you on. And it will take time for you to begin feeling like yourself again."_

_ "Will I have to stop breastfeeding?"_

_ "I'm afraid not. The medicine cannot be taking while nursing or pregnant."_

_ "How long exactly until I begin feeling like myself?"_

_ "A few months at least."_

_ I nod my head again, still in shock. How could I, Aria Fitz, have postpartum depression? How could I not love my baby?_


	4. Moments

**Here is chapter four! I hope y'all enjoy it! The next few chapters are this are going to be amazing! I can't wait to post them! But for now enjoy this! And please please review!**

**Amanda**

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Chapter Four: Moments

Bright sunlight pouring into the bedroom triggers my eyelids to flutter open at roughly eight A.M. My eyes struggle to adjust to the sudden brightness. I groan as I roll out of bed. Hoping it will wake me up, as well as clear my mind of the haunting memories that invaded my dreams last night, I decide that a hot shower is just what I need.

After turning the water on and letting it warm up, I slip the straps of my nightgown over my shoulders, letting it fall into a silky heap at my feet. I step out of my underwear and into the steaming shower. The hot water rushes over my head and shoulders, leaving beads of water scattered across my bare skin. The shower does exactly what I want it too and fifteen minutes later I emerge feeling alert and fresh.

After dressing I head downstairs. Lila and Benjamin are playing quietly at their toy kitchen in the living room and Ezra is sitting on the couch feeding Brennen.

"Good morning baby." I say, sneaking up behind Ezra and kissing him on the cheek.

"Hey, you're up, I was going to come wake you when I was done feeding Bren. I have to leave for work soon."

"Ugh that's right, it's Friday, your early day." I say, sitting down beside him on the couch.

"Hi mommy." Lila greets me, running over to the couch and climbing into my lap, Ben follows, trying to shove Lila out of the way.

"Ow! Mommy! Ben is hurting me!" Lila begins to cry.

"Ben, you cannot both sit on my lap, Lila was here first." I reprimand, pulling Ben off Lila and sitting him next to me.

"But I wanna cuddle you!" Ben whines.

"Benjamin, you heard mommy, you need to wait." Ezra tells him, Ben pouts his lips and then starts crying.

"Oh if you both are going to start whining as soon as I wake up then I don't think Liam can come over today." This reminds the twins that Spencer and Toby's son, Liam, is coming over to spend the night while Spencer and Toby are busy with class and working. However it doesn't have the effect I want, and instead of the twins calming down, they begin throwing fits. Ben tossed himself onto the floor, crying and whining, and Lila burst into tears at the thought that Liam wouldn't be allowed to come over.

Annoyed by their sudden tantrums I take Brennen from Ezra and head into the kitchen, leaving Ezra to deal with the twins. As I place Brennen in his bouncy seat on the counter so I can get breakfast I hear the twins screaming no as Ezra tells them to go up to their rooms until they can calm down. Sending the twins to time-out has always been a form of punishment for them and they typically abide without fuss, so I'm confused when Ezra comes in the kitchen five minutes later telling me he had to carry them both upstairs.

"I don't know how I'm going to handle four kids by myself until you get home from work."

"Spencer doesn't have anyone else who could take Liam?" Ezra asks, rubbing his hands in soothing circles on my shoulders.

I shake my head. "She asked me first because Liam wanted to stay the night last weekend when they were here. We agreed this would be the perfect opportunity since Toby is working a few towns over for the week and Spencer has class and trials to attend."

Ezra kisses me on the forehead. "You'll be fine. I will be back by five. Just try and plan some things for them to do in case they get rowdy or bored okay?"

I nod my head. "I was doing so well this morning until the twins had their meltdown."

"I know." Ezra kissed me head again. "I know. They woke up early and are just excited to see Liam. I've got to go get ready for work."

I nod, pulling Ezra's face to mine and kissing him long and hard on his lips before releasing him.

"Have fun at work."

"I'll try. You take it easy today okay? Have Hanna or Emily and Maya come over if you need extra hands."

"Okay."

Ezra kisses me again as the doorbell rings. "I'll tell Benny and Li they can come down."

"They need to get dressed first." I say, taking Brennen out of his seat to go answer the door.

"Hey Aria, thank you so much for watching him, I can't believe I scheduled these trials on the same day Toby has to be out of town all week. Do you need William's car seat?" Spencer rattles off the second I've opened the front door, Liam running over the threshold in front of her.

"No, no I don't need his car seat. And trust me it's no problem. The twins are very excited he is staying the night."

Spencer carries Liam backpack into the foyer, setting it down next to Liam's blanket that he has dropped on his way in.

"Where are the twins at anyway?" Spencer asks, looking around.

"They're upstairs getting dressed. They didn't have a very good morning so they were sitting in time-out until you got here."

Spencer frowns. "Aria are you sure you're okay with watching him? I noticed last week that you weren't really yourself. I'm sure Emily would love to take him."

"It's okay Spence, he's already here. It would just upset him and the twins if we told them he wasn't staying."

"Okay, but if you need anything call okay? Are you okay?"

I nod my head. "Yeah, I've just been tired and all with Brennen not sleeping well at night."

Spencer nods her head but I can tell from the look on her face that she doesn't believe me. "Okay, call me okay? Liam come give me kisses and hugs, mommy has to go to class." Liam jumps up from his spot on the floor next to the twins and runs to give Spencer a quick hug and kiss before scurrying back to play.

"Alright, I'll call you tonight."

"Okay."

"Thank you again Aria."

"No problem Spence. See ya."

"Bye. Bye baby! Mommy will see you tomorrow!"

Spencer walks out the door, casting a worried glance at me on the way out.

* * *

_Saturday- Spencer's POV_

"Something is wrong with Aria. I'm worried about her." I tell Hanna and Emily, who are seated on my living room couch, handing them each a cup of fresh coffee. They both glance at their cups warily. "Oh come on guys, I've had much more experience making coffee. I promise you it's fine to drink." They both pick up their cups, taking a small sip before returning them to the table.

"So what's wrong with her? She's not sick is she?" Emily asks worriedly.

"I did notice she seemed kind of off when we were there last weekend." Hanna adds concernedly, cradling Sophia in her arms.

"I'm not sure what's wrong exactly. She told me she's just been tired since Brennen was born, but she was never like this after the twins were born and she had two infants then." I explain.

"Wouldn't she tell us if something was wrong though?" Hanna says.

"Usually yes, which is why I know that this is something very serious if she isn't telling us what's going on." I'm pacing in front of Emily and Hanna now.

"We need to do something then." Emily comments.

"What? A intervention? Drag her to the shrink and say 'Fix her?'" Hanna suggests.

I glare at her. "Seriously Han?"

"Actually the intervention idea might work. How else are we going to find out what's wrong with her unless we just all show up on her doorstep?" Emily says thoughtfully.

"True. Now we just need to figure out when to attack." I say matter-of-factly.


	5. Glass

**Chapter five is here! This is where it starts getting really good! Also I forgot to mention in the last chapter that italics means a flashback, and also will appear when POVs are switching. **

**Thank you once again for all of the amazing reviews! I looove reading them! I am so glad y'all are in love with this story so far! It's only gonna get better! Chapters 8 and 9 are game changers! I hope you all enjoy this chapter! More is discovered about what Aria is going through! This chapter is a bit shorter though. Anyway enjoy! And review review review!  
**

**Amanda  
**

* * *

Chapter Five: Glass

_Blood. It's everywhere. Seeping through my clothes and soiling half a dozen towels, staining them deep red. My mind instantly flashes back to the scare I had when I was pregnant with the twins, when I thought I'd lost them. But I'm not pregnant, so why is this happening?_

_ "Ezra!" I scream, panic in my voice. But he doesn't hear me. I remember, somehow through my broken state of mind, that he is downstairs with the twins and our two-and-a-half month old son Brennen. Terror rushing through my body, I quickly stuff a folded up towel in my underwear. As soon as I stand up a wave of dizziness washes over me and a flash of pain radiates through my stomach and back. I have to stop several times on my way downstairs, doubling over in extreme pain each time. Finally I reach the bottom of the stairs. I can see Ezra in the living room playing with the kids, his back turned to me. _

_ "Ezra!" I cry, stumbling off the bottom step. The last thing I see before I black out is Ezra jumping off the couch, his face twisted in alarm. _

_ I awake some time later, staring up at a white-washed ceiling. I'm in the hospital. I look frantically for Ezra, finding him sitting on my right side, sleeping in a chair. _

_ "Ezra?" My voice, dry from just waking up, cracks when I say his name. His eyes fly open instantly. _

_ "Oh Aria, I was so worried about you." He says, kissing my face and lips several times._

_ "What happened?"_

_ "Aria you had a miscarriage." _

_ "What?!" I blanch. "No, no that's not possible. I wasn't pregnant. Ezra we weren't pregnant." I say, hysterically as I begin to cry. _

_ "Shh, calm down." Ezra soothes, wrapping me in a hug. Seconds later a nurse comes through the door. _

_ "Mrs. Fitz, I'm glad to see that you're awake." _

_ "What happened?" I ask again, hoping the nurse will explain why I was bleeding. _

_ "Aria, when you arrived in the ER you were unconscious and had heavy vaginal bleeding. We ran several tests, the first being a pregnancy test, and quickly confirmed that you were pregnant but experiencing a miscarriage. I'm very sorry for your loss. We have grief counselors on hand if you would like to talk to someone." _

_ I paled, tears still streaming down my face as the nurse told me what Ezra had just moments ago. "I didn't know…that I was pregnant. We have a two-and-a-half month old son at home…I didn't know. Why didn't I know?" I wonder, thinking I've only thought the last part to myself, but when the nurse answers I realize I've said it aloud._

_ "You were just barely four weeks along Aria. Even if you had taken a home pregnancy test it might not have shown up as positive." _

_ I shake my head, not wanting to believe it, but knowing, somehow, I have too. "Is… am I still…?"_

_ The nurse nods. "We can perform a D&C or you can choose to have a natural miscarriage. Ezra wanted you to have that option." _

_ "I don't want a D&C." I state simply. The nurse nods again and quickly explains how a natural miscarriage works like that of a normal labor and delivery, but that I can be at home instead of the hospital._

_ "I'll leave you two for now. Page me if you need anything."_

_ "It's my fault." I cry when the door has shut. "If I would have known…"_

_ "Shh, no, baby, don't think like that. There wasn't anything we could have done differently." Ezra says, pulling me into him as we both begin to cry, our bodies heaving with sobs. _

"Aria…Aria?" A sweet voice pulls me from my reverie. I snap my head in the direction it's coming from to see who the voice belongs too. My eyes focus in on Dr. Sullivan, who is sitting across from me, her legs crossed over each other and hands clasped, resting on her knee. "Talk to me."

I swipe at a tear as it trickles slowly down my cheek, staring past Dr. Sullivan at the rain streaking down the window.

"Have you been handling your emotions like I advised? Crying, talking to Ezra, your mom?" Dr. Sullivan prompts.

I nod.

"And how has that helped, if at all?"

"I feel that it helps in the moment, when I'm crying or talking to someone, but that it doesn't help much long term."

"Is that how you feel about our sessions as well?"

I nod again. "I don't know if just talking to you, Ella and Ezra is helping any."

Dr. Sullivan frowns, confused. "You haven't told your friends?"

"I don't want my problems to be a burden to them."

"Aria," Dr. Sullivan says, leaving forward. "I can only imagine they have noticed your change in behavior and are concerned for you. I think it's best to let them know what you're dealing with. You need a greater support system and they can provide that for you without you being a burden to them."

"I want to tell them, I just can't."

"Is it that you don't know how to go about telling them?"

I nod yet again. I realize, suddenly, that that is how I've been answering many questions lately.

"Have you returned to work yet?"

"Not yet." I answer simply.

"Do have any plans on returning?"

I shake my head sorrowfully.

"I think that returning to work, even for just a short period of time, would return a piece of normalcy for you that could help with the healing process."

"I've been gone for over four months, I'm not even sure they still have a spot for me."

"Well it's certainly worth a call isn't it?"

I nod my head vaguely.

"Aria, I am never going to be able to help you if you don't communicate with me. I'm here to help you but I can't do that if you don't let me help you."

"I want help. It's just more difficult than I thought it was going to be."

"What is? Tell me what is difficult Aria."

"Believing that this will help me."

"It will Aria. It takes time and effort. You've only been seeing me for a little while now but I have seen small improvements in you. Ezra has seen improvements in you. You are trying Aria and that's an improvement. We're not asking you to try harder, were just saying you need more time to see larger improvements."

Dr. Sullivan is silent for a moment and so am I. Thinking of her words and hoping against hope that they will sink in and take effect, even though I realize that just understanding her words won't be enough. I have to take them to heart and physically and mentally put them to use. It's the only way, I remind myself, that I'll see improvement.


	6. One Night at a Time

**Chapter six is here! The intervention! How will it go? Read to find out!**

**Also please please leave a review! I had 15 reviews on the first chapter and only 4 last chapter! I know there are over a hundred people reading each chapter so please take a few moments to review! Not only do I love reading them but they can be informative and help in how the story plays out! If I can get 10 reviews on this chapter (and future chapters! wink wink) I will put chapter seven up on Monday! **

**Much love**

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter Six: One Day at a Time

_Ezra's POV:_

"How is she doing Ezra?" Dr. Sullivan questions me as soon as I sit down on the brown leather sofa in her spacious office.

"She's doing as well as we expected her to be by now. Improving but she still has those moments when she just can't handle a situation."

"The meds she is on now seem to be working a lot better than the first ones we tried, though they won't have full effect until another week or two, as she has only been taking them for a few weeks."

"Good, hopefully they will take full effect sooner rather than later."

Dr. Sullivan nods, pauses, and continues. "How have the kids been dealing with all of this?"

"They ask questions of course. 'Why isn't Mommy playing with us? Why is Mommy always tired?' But I feel like they understand when she needs alone time, even if they can't understand what is truly going on."

"So they are coping well it sounds like?"

I nod my head.

"And it sounds like you've been explaining the fact that mommy is sick to them very well."

"It's not easy. Seeing her like this. I can only imagine how hard it is for them, as children, to see mommy going through this."

"Speaking of it not being easy for you seeing her like this, how are you doing?"

"Sometimes when I'm at work, sitting in my office in between classes, I just lose it." I say, beginning to get choked up. "It's so unbelievably exhausting, physically and mentally, to watch someone you love so much…" I stop, trying not to let myself cry.

"It's okay, let those feelings out."

"…To watch someone you love and care about so much, hurt so badly, and not be able to do anything about it." I choke out. "But I have to be strong for her, for the kids. I'm her only rock in this stormy sea."

_Aria's POV:_

I sit in the waiting room outside of Dr. Sullivan's office while she is taking her turn interrogating Ezra. I wonder idly what they are talking about, even though I know it is about me, while I watch Brennen scoot around on the floor, grasping for toys just out of his reach. He's just beginning to crawl at five months old and I should be happy that he is reaching this milestone a month earlier than post babies do, but instead I can only watch him, emotionless.

_"Daddy's gonna get your toes! Yes I am!" Ezra coos at Brennen, grabbing his little feet in his hands and tickling them. Brennen giggles; his laugh is identical to Ezra's and deep down inside it makes me melt with a trace of happiness. But rising to the surface is jealousy; Brennen hasn't even smiled at me yet, let alone laughed at something I've said or done._

_ "How do you get him to smile and laugh so easily?" I ask Ezra as I braid Lila's long curly hair. _

_ "He just thinks I'm funny."_

_ "You are funny Daddy." Ben giggles. _

_ "He hasn't even smiled at me yet." I frown. _

_ "He is only three months old babe. He will, give him time."_

_ "What if he doesn't like me?" _

_ "Baby what do you mean? He loves you."_

_ "What if he doesn't? He never smiles and laughs with me, or tries to touch my face and pull my hair, he just stares at me. I spend the most time with him and he doesn't even acknowledge me."_

_ Ezra sets Brennen in his swing and pulls me away from Lila into the kitchen where we can still see the kids but they can't hear us. _

_ "He knows who you are. He knows that you're his mommy." Ezra tries to tell me, but I'm distracted by the sound of Brennen laughing again in the living room. _

_ "Even Lila and Ben can get him to smile. Of course I want Brennen to have a good bond with you and the kids, but he needs a bond with me too." I say beginning to get upset._

_ "Shh. I understand what you mean. If you feel this way you need to be telling Dr. Sullivan. She is here to help you too. She deals with these things all the time, she can help."_

A door swinging open, then shut, down the hallway pulls me from my trance. I look up to see Ezra coming out of the door across from me. A second later I hear an infant crying and instantly look down at Brennen. But he isn't on the floor playing at my feet. Panicking, I jump up and run toward the sound of his cries. He is sitting just outside of the door that I heard shut down the hallway, his tiny little fingers wedged in between the door jam. I hear Ezra running toward me as I pick Brennen up, relief coursing through my body.

"Oh baby. Shh. Mommy's here. It's okay. I'm so sorry." I cry, tears slipping down my cheeks as I hug Brennen close to me.

"What happened?" Ezra says before he has even reached me. Dr. Sullivan is standing behind him.

"I wasn't paying attention and somehow he crawled all the way over here. He got his fingers stuck in the door. I didn't mean for him to get hurt."

"Shh. It was an accident. Let me see if his fingers are okay." I turn Brennen away from my chest so we can look at his fingers. Thankfully they are only slightly red and nothing worse.

"Is he okay?" Dr. Sullivan asks, stepping forward.

"He's okay." Ezra clarifies.

"I'm such a bad mom." I cry, my voice cracking.

"No Aria, you're not. And you know what? I just witnessed proof that you are healing. You showed so much emotion when you heard you're baby crying; fear, panic, sadness. You didn't want him to be injured. Those are all normal emotions mothers feel when their children become in a scary situation." Dr. Sullivan explains and I realize, as fresh, happy tears fall down my face, that she is right.

* * *

"Aria! Aria!"

Muffled voices fill my dream as my world begins to shake. I hear the voices penetrating my dream again as I begin waking up. Opening my eyes, I see Hanna, Emily and Spencer standing beside my bed.

"We're holding an intervention, get up." Hanna states.

"An intervention for what?" I mumble sleepily.

"Aria, we know something is going on. We want to know what and why you haven't told us anything." Spencer says, sitting down on the bed.

"Where is Ezra?"

"Ezra, Caleb and Maya took the kids to the park." Emily explains.

"Get dressed; we'll meet you downstairs with Chinese." Spencer says, rising from the bed. I'm left in a state of shock as they file out of my room, Hanna mumbling something about how eating Chinese isn't going to help with her losing any more baby weight.

A few minutes later I'm sitting on the couch next beside the girls, a blanket thrown over my lap and a take-out carton of Chinese in my hand.

"Talk." Spencer says simply.

"I was hoping to leave you guys out of this mess, but I realize now that you need to know what is going on." I begin.

"Well of course, we're your best friends Aria!" Hanna reprimands. Spencer glares at her.

"It's not that simple Han. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't. I didn't think it would be right making you guys worry and I didn't want to be a burden."

"Aria, you will never be a burden to us, no matter what you're going through." Emily says, rubbing my shoulder.

"And we are worried Aria." Spencer adds.

I take a bite of chow mien, trying to find the right words to explain what I've been going through, figuring out where I should start.

"I was diagnosed with Post-Partum Depression when Brennen was a month old. I've have trouble breastfeeding him and bonding with him. He is up all hours of the night, and when he does sleep I can't."

The girls are quiet for a minute, and then they each take a turn hugging me.

"Aria, I'm so sorry." Spencer says quietly.

"Are you on any medication to help with it?" Hanna asks. I nod my head.

"Aria, we're here for you. If you need anything: food, someone one to watch the kids so you can have a break. Don't feel bad about asking us." Emily says comfortingly, her eyebrows creased in worry.

"It's not just PPD though." I pause, studying their faces which are traced with confusion and greater concern.

"Tell us, what is it?" Hanna encourages.

I'm sobbing uncontrollably as soon as the words leave my mouth. "I had a miscarriage two months ago."

"Oh my God." Hanna gasps, as she, Emily and Spencer envelope me in an embrace.

All three of them are crying when they pull away from me, their hands holding onto mine.

"I…I didn't know I was pregnant. I started bleeding one day and by the time I made it down to Ezra I passed out. The doctor said I was barely four weeks along. If I had known…"

"No. Don't blame yourself Aria." Spencer cries, hugging me tightly again.

"You did nothing wrong." Hanna adds.

"I'm so sorry Aria. I can only imagine how hard this is for you while dealing with PPD." Emily says, tears spilling over her cheeks. "If you want, you can talk to Maya, she had two miscarriages before we decided to use a surrogate."

I nod through tears that blur my vision, trying my best to give a weak smile at how supportive they are being, and feeling relieved that I've finally told them what's going on.


	7. It Will Rain

**Alright I only had eight reviews on the last chapter but I decided to post this one anyway. A couple people commented on loving the Ezria moments and I can asure you in the next few chapters after this one we will get more Ezria. I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! The next one is a game changer! And please please please review! **

**P.S If y'all notice any typos in future or past chapters please forgve me, I broke my finger two weeks ago and its not easy typing when my broken finger is buddy taped to another. Anyway enjoy this chapter!**

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter Seven: It Will Rain

_1 week later._

After telling the girls about my miscarriage and illness, they began calling my constantly, checking to see how I was. They brought over dinner a few nights a week and Emily and Hanna offered to take the kids for a couple hours a day and to watch them while I had appointments.

At my two recent visits with Dr. Sullivan I began opening up more and revealing how I felt as well as beginning to accept help she offered. Finally feeling as though I'm beginning to get better, I skip two doses of my medication in a row.

Today was my first day back to work, which I think has gone incredibly well under the circumstances. As I head out to my car afterwards my phone rings.

_Incoming call: Em_

"Hey Em, calling to check up on me?" I ask when I answer the call.

"Yes. And to tell you that you're new niece is on her way!" Emily squeals, excitement laced in her voice.

"Oh my God! I'm coming to the hospital right now!"

"Okay, Spencer and Hanna are on their way as well."

"Yay! I can't wait to meet her!"

"Neither can we!"

"Alright I will see you there mommy!"

"Okay!"

I hang up the phone and jump into my car. The hospital is just fifteen minutes from my work and knowing I have plenty of time to get there I make sure to drive the speed limit even though I'm dancing with excitement. I grab my phone out of my purse and dial Ezra.

"Hey baby." Ezra answers on the second ring.

"Hey, you're going to have to pick the kids up from Ella's tonight after you get off work. Emily and Maya's surrogate is in labor so I'm heading to the hospital." I say hurriedly.

"Okay, I'll call Ella and let her know she'll have the kids for a while longer then. Call and update me in a while okay?"

"I will. Love you baby, bye."

"Bye. Love you too."

Roughly ten minutes later I pull into a parking space as close to the hospital entrance as I can find. I hurry inside to the elevator. I know exactly where I'm headed as this is the same hospital Ben, Lila and Brennen were born at. I punch the button for the sixth floor and the doors slide shut. Seconds later I step out onto the labor and delivery floor. Two nurses run in different directions past me while another pushes a patient in a wheelchair down the hall. I walk over to the nurses' station, informing the head nurse who I am here to visit, and she points me toward the waiting room closest to the room Emily and Maya's little girl will be born in.

Hanna, Spencer, Emily, Maya and Emily and Maya's parents are all seated on soft couches and comfy chairs, talking excitedly. As I watch them, hidden behind the corner of a wall, my excitement vanishes, replaced unexpectedly by the feelings of jealousy and longing. Enviously, I wish it were me they were happily chatting about, waiting anxiously to meet my fourth child. I hesitate for a few moments, wishing away my bitter thoughts before I step into the waiting room.

Everyone is happy and excited to see me, embracing me instantly when I walk through the door, and though I'm surrounded by love and excitement, my desirous feelings fail to escape my mind.

* * *

Ava Brielle is beautiful. Curly black hair falls against her forehead. Her olive-toned skin is soft and velvety, and her eyes, laced with long dark lashes, are a golden brown instead of the normal newborn-blue. She is six pounds, three ounces of complete perfection.

"She is a doll." Hanna comments, gazing adoringly down at the sleeping little girl in her arms.

"She is going to be a heartbreaker that is for sure." Spencer adds, playing with Ava's curly locks.

"Aria have you held her yet?" Maya asks, looking from Ava to me.

I shake my head.

"Do you want too?" Hanna offers, shifting Ava in her arms.

"I'm okay. I'll have plenty of opportunities to hold her." I say as an excuse, but Hanna, Emily and Spencer look at me knowingly, sad expressions written across their faces.

"Are you sure?" Hanna asks, and I know she thinks holding Ava will help.

"Hanna!" Spencer snaps, warning in her voice.

"It's okay Spence." I say. "I should probably get home anyway. I'm not sure how much frozen milk I have left for Bren and I'm sure he will be getting hungry again soon."

"Thank you so much for being here." Emily says, standing to hug me.

"You're welcome. Congratulations again to you guys. She is beautiful and you two are going to make wonderful mothers."

"Thank you."

"It was so nice seeing you again. Tell Ezra hi for us." Maya says as she hugs me.

"I will." I smile.

Spencer hugs me next, telling me to call her in the morning.

"Okay." I say as I turn to Hanna and Ava. I kiss Ava on her forehead, caressing her soft downy hair.

"Aria, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't upset you." Hanna whispers in my ear as I pull her into an embrace.

"Han. You don't need to be sorry. It's okay." I say so only she can hear. We hug for a few moments longer and then pull away.

"I'll call you okay?" I tell her. She nods.

"Bye." I say as I reach the door and I exit the room to a chorus of replies.

The mild spring air greets me when I exit the automatic doors at the hospital's main entrance, smelling sweetly of recently planted flowers. But the typically calming fragrance of lavender has no effect on me as tears trickle from my eyes. Disoriented from my blurry vision I narrowly avoid being hit by a car as I walk across the parking lot in search of my own vehicle.

Lights from another car flicker on, shining directly on my car just several feet away from me. I stagger forward, desperate to reach it before I lose myself completely. But it's too late, I'm too far gone. I sink to the pavement, the lights of an oncoming car growing closer and the sound of someone calling my name in the distance.

* * *

_Ezra's POV:_

The shrill ringing sound of my cell phone breaks my concentration. I glance up from the pile of papers I've been slowly wading through for the past hour. The caller I.D on the screen is a local number, though I don't recognize it. I pick it up, pressing the _answer _button.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Is this Mr. Fitz I'm speaking to?" The female voice on the other end replies.

"This is." I say.

"Mr. Fitz, I'm calling from Rosewood Regional Medical Center, do you have a moment?"

* * *

**Cliffhanger! Why is the hospital calling Ezra? Is Aria in trouble?**


	8. Shattered Minds

**Kay guys, I apologize in advance that this chapter is shorter than the others. Are you ready for this chapter though! It's mind blowing to say the least. I can't wait to see y'all's reactions to it! Enjooyyy!**

**P.S I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving! I am sooo blessed to have such amazing readers of my stories and to be able to read the wonderful reviews! So thank y'all! **

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter Eight: Shattered Minds

Worried something may have happened to Aria, I immediately ask why she is calling.

"Mr. Fitz. I'm calling because your son has been admitted to the hospital with minor injuries resulting from a car accident."

Positive that she has the wrong Mr. Fitz, I explain, "I'm sorry, but you must have dialed the wrong number. Both of my sons are upstairs in bed asleep."

"Sir, your name and number was the only emergency contact information listed on Maggie Neilan medical records."

"I'm sorry, did you just say Maggie Neilan?" I blanch, wondering why my name and number would be listed under her medical records as emergency contact information.

"Yes. Mr. Fitz, I'm deeply sorry to have to inform you over the phone that Ms. Neilan and your son were involved in a fatal collision that took her life."

Stunned, the only response I can manage before my cell phone falls from my grasp is, "My son?"

"Yes, your son, Wyatt Lee Fitz, has been admitted with minor, non-life threatening injuries." The nurse's voice is just audible enough for me to hear, with shock, the stunning confirmation that Maggie lied to me ten years ago.

"My mind flashes to Aria, worried what her reaction to this news will be, when I suddenly realize she isn't home yet. I pick my phone up off the phone, and tell the nurse that I will be down at the hospital as soon as I can before hanging up and calling Aria.

Her cell phone rings six times before I hear her bubbly voice on the answering machine. _Hey, this is Aria. I can't answer the phone right now but I promise I will call you back when I'm not feeding a baby or changing a dirty diaper! _I smile to myself, remembering when she recorded that message. The twins were just a few months old, back when Aria was always happy.

I dial Aria's cell phone three more times, only to get her voice telling me she will call me back. Panicking now that she hasn't answered my calls, I call Emily's cell, hoping she'll answer even though I know she must still be at the hospital. Luckily she answers.

"Hello? Ezra?"

"Emily, hey, have you seen or heard from Aria? I know she went to the hospital to see you. Did she make it?"

"Yeah, Ezra, listen. She isn't okay. Spencer and Hanna found her bawling hysterically in the parking lot near her car. She told them she hasn't been taking her medicine because she was feeling better. But not taking it caused her to have a serious breakdown. An emergency room nurse tried to get her admitted to the psych ward for the night."

"Oh my god. Where is she?"

"She is at Spencer's. She didn't want to go home. You need to go over there."

"I'm going." I say as I jump from my chair and shrug my jacket on. "Thank you Emily, I'll call Ella and have her come stay with the kids."

"You're welcome Ezra. I hope she gets better soon."

"I hope so too." I say, hanging up the phone. _How am I going to tell her about Maggie now? _I think to myself as I press the speed dial button for Ella.

* * *

_Aria's POV:_

The sound of knocking on the door startles me from my sleep. I open my eyes and roll over on the couch in time to see Spencer opening the door. Ezra, looking very exhausted and mystified, rushes over the threshold without saying a word to Spencer. He kneels at my side instantly, caressing my hair as he stares into my eyes. He doesn't say anything for several seconds, his baby blue eyes boring into mine, in search of some sort of answer.

"Ezra…"

"Why would you do that?" He asks, cutting me off. My face heats up like a small child's does when being reprimanded by their father. "Anything could have happened to you if Hanna and Spencer hadn't gone after you."

"I…" I try to explain but Ezra cuts me off again.

"I got a call from the hospital. I was scared to death, I thought it was you." Tears fall down his cheeks as he buries his head in my chest, holding on tightly to me.

"Wait. So you got a call from the hospital, but it wasn't about me?" I ask, confused.

"Yes." Ezra states simply.

"Well who was it about?" I press, sitting up now to face Ezra.

"Nothing you need to worry about right now. Lay down and go back to sleep." Ezra says, kissing my forehead as I sink back onto the couch.

He stands and motions for Spencer and Hanna to follow him into the kitchen, I suspect so I won't hear what he is telling them. Annoyed I close my eyes, hoping sleep will carry me away again before they come back into the living room.

_Ezra's POV:_

"Is it okay if she stays the night here? I need to get to the hospital to take care of something."

Spencer nods her head. "Yeah that's fine. Are you okay? What about the kids?"

"I'm okay. The kids are with Ella. Thank you Spencer and Hanna, for going after her."

Spencer leans in for a hug. "We hate seeing her this way just as much as you do."

"I know."

Hanna hugs me too. "Don't worry, we'll take care of her."

"Did you bring her medicine?" Spencer asks.

"Oh, yes. Here it is. Make sure she takes it. And thank you again. I will be back in the morning to get her."

Hanna and Spencer nod as I exit the kitchen. Aria is already sound asleep on the couch when I walk back into the living room. I gently give her a kiss on the head before leaving Spencer's, not a clue in the world how I will tell her what I was told earlier tonight.

* * *

A middle-aged man being wheeled into the emergency room is what greets me as I make my way in through the automatic doors of the emergency department. I walk straight to the nurses' station. A young woman with black hair pulled tightly into a smooth bun on the top of her head looks up from her computer at me.

"Hello, how can I help you?" The nurse questions politely.

"I…uh…I'm looking for Wyatt Fitz."

"Are you his next of kin?"

I nod my head as I swallow the lump that has formed in my throat, fighting to say the words aloud. "I'm his father."

* * *

**Wow! I bet y'all weren't expecting that! Let me know what you think! And yes I changed Malcolm's name to Wyatt because I don't like the name Malcolm. And remember this is four years later so Malcolm is older than in the tv show. But I also rearranged some ages so Ezra was younger when Malcolm was born (in the show he was 19, and in this story I think I figured out he would have been like 17.) **

**Review, review, review!**


	9. Salt in My Wounds

**Thank you all for the amazing reviews on chapter eight! I know some aren't too happy with the new twist, and I figured I would have mixed reviews on that, but this was the main twist I had planned when I first started the story. **

**Anywho, onto chapter nine! We get to see Aria's reaction to Ezra telling her about Wyatt. Will it be good or bad? Read and review!**

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter Nine: Salt in My Wounds

_Aria's POV:_

"When is he going to get here?" I say to myself as I pace back and forth in Spencer's living room. She and Hanna are sitting on the couch opposite me, eyes following me.

"Aria, chill, it's hardly nine A.M. He will be here soon." Hanna states.

"But why hasn't he at least called me?"

"He might still be dealing with whatever he had to take care of at the hospital."

"I'm calling him."

Spencer jumps up from the couch, clutching my arm. "Aria, wait. Calm down. You are overreacting. I'm sure he will call soon if he isn't already on his way."

Frustrated I sink onto the couch. "Are you sure you two don't know anything about what he is doing?"

"Are you sure you took your meds this morning?" Hanna questions curiously, her eyebrows raised.

"Aria, we told you already, he didn't tell us. Why would he tell us something before telling you?" Spencer explains.

I shrug, gazing anxiously out of the large floor-to-ceiling window. Just then Ezra's black truck pulls into Spencer's driveway.

I jump up from the couch and run out the front door before Spencer and Hanna can say my name.

"Ezra!" I shout, running down the stone walkway toward him. He opens his arms, catching me in an embrace as my body slams into him.

"I've been waiting for you." I whisper in his ear.

I pull away, hoping to see Ezra smiling, but he isn't. Instead, his eyes are a cold, hard grey, instead of their normal icy blue. I search his eyes, trying to find a reason why he would be acting distant, but I come up blank.

"Are my babies in the truck?" I ask.

Ezra shakes his head. "We need to talk. It's best if they stay at Ella's for another night. I found some extra breast milk in the garage freezer and took it over for Brennen. They'll be okay."

"But will we?" I ask, suddenly scared of what Ezra and I will be talking about. But Ezra doesn't answer my question; instead he waves his hand toward Spencer and Hanna who are standing at the open door. They wave back and we climb into the truck. I'm silent until we reach the main road.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"Do you even remember what happened to you last night?" Ezra explodes suddenly. I jump in my seat.

"You didn't answer my question." I mutter quietly.

"I will tell you what's going on when you tell me what is going on with you." He shoots back, anger heavy in his voice. I've never seen him this angry before and it scares me.

"Ezra, calm down please, you're scaring me."

"Do you remember what happened last night?" He asks again, control in his voice this time.

"No." I answer. There's a pregnant pause before Ezra speaks again. Instead of anger in his voice, though, it is laced with melancholy.

"You had a mental breakdown in the hospital parking lot after you saw Emily's baby. Hanna and Spencer came after you to make sure you got to your car safely." He pauses again before continuing. "We may not be in the middle of New York anymore, Aria. But If they hadn't come after you, you could still have been raped, or killed."

I gulp. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't take my medicine. It's finally been helping and I just wanted to go one day without feeling like I was getting better just because of it. "

"I understand that you don't like taking it. But if you quit now do you think you'll ever be back to the way you were before?" Ezra asks concernedly.

I shake my head. "No."

We've pulled into our driveway now, but neither of us makes any hasty movements to get out of the car.

"I love you so much Aria. Please promise me you won't do anything to cause me to be that scared again."

"I promise you I won't. I love you too." I whisper, leaning across the seat and pressing my lips to his. But he doesn't kiss back the way I want him too, doesn't pull me closer by grabbing ahold of my face, instead he pulls away after just a few seconds. Distancing himself from me still.

"Ezra…?"

"We still need to talk. Let's go inside."

Five minutes later Ezra and I are sitting beside each other on one of the living room couches. The look in Ezra's eyes telling me the news isn't going to be good. He stays silent for several minutes, just staring at me, my hands clasped in his.

"Ezra, just tell me and get it over with." I say impatiently.

"It's not that easy Aria. This…this is going to be a hard decision for us, as a family, too make."

I wonder what in the hell he could be talking about. How could this relate to why he was at the hospital all night?

"What happened? Tell me Ezra."

"I…I found out that I have a son."

I stare at him. "Of course you do Ezra, you have two sons." I say in bewilderment. And he thinks I'm the delusional one?!

"No, I mean, I found out I have a son with another woman." Indescribable pain. Inexpressible numbness. They shoot through me like a bullet, worse than I've ever felt before. It's the feeling of my heart shattering into a million pieces.

"What? Are you telling me that you cheated on me?!" I scream at him, flying off the couch, when his words sink in fully, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. "How could you?!"

"How could you do that to me? To our family?! After all we've been through? Why Ezra? Why?! I thought you loved me!"

Ezra jumps to his feet, reaching for my arm but I pull it away from him. "Don't you dare touch me! Don't you dare." I cry.

I hit him, over and over again, my fists pounding against his chest until they ache. Ezra doesn't try to stop me and soon I'm so exhausted I collapse onto the floor. And this time when Ezra reaches for me, I let him. I let him pull me into his arms, let him attempt to calm me down by shushing quietly in my ear, my hands covering my face as I sob uncontrollably.

"I do love you, with all my heart and soul. I would never cheat on you Aria. Please believe me." Ezra explains, calmly, gazing into my eyes. "I had a thing with a woman when we were in high school. I got her pregnant, but she told me she had had an abortion. I guess she lied."

"You guess? You guess!? Ezra, you knocked up a girl in high school and just believed her when she told you she got an abortion?!" I yell, though I've calmed down some since realizing Ezra is right, he would never cheat on me.

"I know it was stupid to believe her. But she moved away right after that. I never saw her again; there was no way to get into contact with her to see if she might have been lying."

"Was it her you saw at the hospital?" I mumble, my voice barely audible from the tears that continued down my face.

Ezra shook his head. "Her and her son were in a car crash. She was killed instantly, but Wyatt survived. He is nine years old."

"You're sure he is yours?"

Ezra nods his head.

Unable to say anything in response, I let a fresh wave of sobs wrack my body. Ezra holds me closer. "We need to make the decision if Wyatt can come and live with us, or go to an orphanage. I'm his only living relative that is willing to take him."

I stare up at Ezra. "You know I can't make that decision right now."

"I know. I want you to understand that I will support you in whatever you decide to do about this. I realize this is asking a lot, considering what we are going through, and I wish to God I didn't have to put you through this right now." Ezra says, tears spilling over his eyes now too. Ezra holds me tightly in his arms until all of the emotions and exhaustion I've been dealt in the past twenty-four hours finally pull me into a deep sleep.


	10. Home

**Sorry this chapter is like a day late. Lol forgot when I had last updated! I think ya'll are really gonna love this chapter! We get some special moments in this one but I won't say who with! Don't forget to review! **

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter Ten: Home

Two days later I'm still numb. Numb from the shocking revelation that collided with my already shaken world, numb with the realization of the decision I have to make, for Ezra, for me, for our family. I climb out from under the cream-colored covers of my bed which has been my safe haven for the past forty-eight hours. I hear Ella downstairs, playing with the kids. I glance at the clock, it's half past four. Ezra will be home soon. I decide a shower is in order since I can't exactly remember the last time I took one, and it will make the time waiting for Ezra to get home go by far quicker. I savor the water, letting it flow soothingly down my body for several minutes after washing myself, before I finally get out.

Ella is cooking dinner when I come downstairs.

"Yum, I smell Mimi's homemade spaghetti." I sniff approvingly when I reach the kitchen.

"Look who's awake!" Ella says happily.

Ben and Lila hop down from their stools on either side of my mom, running eagerly toward me. I scoop them both up in my arms and kiss their heads.

"Hello babies, are you two helping Mimi cook?"

"Yeah! Mimi is making pa-sketti!" Lila tells me, hugging me closely around the neck.

"It smells yummy huh Mommy?" Ben asks, skipping off to his stool again.

"It sure does." I stand with Lila and sit down on a bar stool at the counter, huddled close with my baby girl. "Where is Brennen at mom?"

"In the living room napping."

"How long has he been down for?"

Ella glances at the clock. "Oh, about an hour now."

I nod. "Good."

"Mom, I'll finish dinner if you want to go home. You've been here all day taking care of the kids and cleaning, you shouldn't have to cook too."

"Relax, I miss this." Ella smiles. "Why don't you go wake Brennen up so he'll actually sleep tonight?"

"Alright. Come on Lila-pie, let's go get your brother." I set Lila down on the floor, her hand clasped in mine; she swings our hands back and forth as we walk into the living room.

"Brennen," I coo, peeking over the edge of the pack and play. I gently lift him, still sleeping, into my arms and carry him back into the kitchen, Lila at my heels. Brennen stirs when the front door suddenly opens.

"Daddy, Daddy!" Lila and Ben shout, running to the door to greet Ezra. He scoops them both up in his arms as I did and swings them around.

"I missed you two today." He says, planting kisses on their cheeks.

"We missed you too, daddy." Lila squeals as Ezra rubs his nose against her ear, tickling her.

"I'm going to go change my clothes and then we can play a bit before dinner okay?"

"Okay!" The twins grin as Ezra sets them down. They run off into the living room to get their toys ready.

"How are you?" Ezra asks me quietly, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear and bringing my chin up so he can kiss me on the lips.

"Better I think." I reply, kissing him again.

"Have you made a decision yet?" He wonders, whispering in my ear so that Ella doesn't hear. We decided not to tell anyone about Ezra's son until we had made our decision first.

"Yes." I whisper back. "I'll tell you after dinner."

"Okay." Ezra kisses my head then scoops Brennen up in his arms for a moment before going off to change his clothes.

"Oh! I almost forgot." Ella says, startling me. I spin around to face her. "Mike wants you to call him. He's been worried about you and wishes he could come home from college for a few days to see you."

I smile. "I'll go call him right now."

"He'll be happy to hear from you." Ella smiles, stirring the spaghetti sauce in the pan.

I carry Brennen into the living room and set him down in his play pen, handing him some toys. I pull my phone out from my pocket, where I stuffed it after my shower, and dial Mike's number. I hear his familiar voice after the second ring.

"Aria!"

"Hey little bro. Mom told me you wanted me to call you."

"Yeah, how have you been? I heard the last couple of days have been kind of hard."

"I wasn't in a good place the past couple of days, but I'm doing better now."

"Are you sure you're okay? I'm really worried about my big sis."

I nod my head even though he can't see, "Yes, I'm okay."

"I wish I could come down and visit but my schedule is so crazy. I don't think I would be able to take time off from work and my homework load has been intense this semester."

"No, no. Don't take any time off from school and work; you are there to get your degree. I promise I'm fine, it's nothing that you need to come home for."

Mike sighs on the other line, sounding as though he should ignore my pleas and come visit anyway. "How are my favorite niece and nephews?"

"Growing, you should see how big Ben is getting. He swears his is able to take you down in arm wrestling now." I laugh softly. Mike laughs as well.

"I miss them so much. Hey, I've got to go. But thank you for calling, I've been wanting to hear from you for a while now."

"You're welcome."

"Don't be a stranger sis, call me anytime kay?"

"Same too you bro."

Mike laughs. "Take care of yourself."

"I will."

"Talk to you later sis."

"Bye Mike." I bid him goodbye, then hang up the phone. I look up to notice Ezra is playing with the kids on the floor: I didn't even notice him come back downstairs. He has Brennen sitting up against him as he lies on his side, talking animatedly in a silly voice while he moves one of Lila's little ponies around the floor. I escape into the kitchen to help Ella with dinner. She is just finishing up cutting garlic bread into pieces when I walk in, so I decide to set the table and toss the salad.

"When are you going to tell me what's been going on the past couple of days?" Ella pries as I set glasses on table.

"Ezra and I will share once we've talked about it a little bit more. It's something that he ultimately left up to my decision and we still need to talk about the decision I've made in regards if this would be a step that I'm ready to take."

Ella looks at me questionably, "Is this something you can handle in your state? Obviously this is something huge if it caused you to become bed ridden for two days."

"The revelation was what was huge for me. It was unexpected and I just needed some time to deal with the feelings that came with it."

"Aria, are you pregnant?" Ella asks, taking my arms in her hands, concern written on her face.

"No, but would it be so bad if I was?"

She turns away from me, as if she is ashamed of what I've just said.

"Dinner is ready." Ella calls out to Ezra, leaving my unanswered question hanging in midair. As I set the bowl of salad on the table I realize her worry. For her, seeing me dealing with my illness and the fact that I could potentially have to deal with a pregnancy and newborn during all of this would be a cause for great concern. But I suddenly remind myself that my decision about Ezra's son could have the same impact on me as well.

* * *

After helping Ella clear the table after dinner, she offered to keep the kids entertained for a while longer so Ezra and I could talk. Ezra holds my hand as he leads me upstairs to our bedroom. Nerves run through my body, cold as ice. I'm suddenly worried if the decision I've made is the right one, or the wrong one. Ezra sits me down beside him on the bed, my hand still clasped in his.

"Remember, whatever decision you've made about Wyatt, I will support it completely." He assures me.

"When does he get released from the hospital?" I ask.

"His doctor said a few more days and he should be able to be discharged."

"Can I go meet him?"

Ezra nods his head, a small smile plays across his lips. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

I nod my head this time. "He is your son Ezra. We can't just let him go to an orphanage when he already has a family."

Ezra pulls me into him, kissing my head before trailing his lips down the side of my face until they meet with my lips. His lips are warm on mine, full of passion and admiration. I wrap my arms around him, trying not to get lost in the moment, but it's too late. When Ezra finally pulls away we are both gasping for breath.

"Thank you." I breathe, "For letting me make this decision."

"You're welcome." Ezra smiles, and his lips are on mine again as he pushes me down onto the bed.

* * *

**Who else loved that Mike/Aria moment! I sure did when I was writing it! He is very concerned for Aria. And we also got some more Ezria fluff! I hope ya'll enjoyed it! Please review! It only takes a few seconds!**


	11. One Step at a Time

Chapter 11: One Step at a Time

The wheels of the metal shopping cart squeal as I push it along the frozen foods aisle of Target, Brennen cooing happily in the seat of the cart. Wednesday afternoons aren't usually busy, but for some reason the store is bustling with people. I nearly lose my cool when someone accidently swipes my ankles with their cart for the third time. I pull the cart to the side of the aisle and let them pass. Ezra is taking me to go meet Wyatt tonight and I'm in a hurry to get my shopping done in time, not only for groceries but for a few things for Wyatt as well since we won't be able to get his things from his mom's for another week or so.

I consult my shopping list for a brief moment to see what is next on it to pick up.

_French Fries_

_Tater Tots_

_Organic Pizza_

_Organic Frozen Veggies_

These are just a few among several frozen food items listed. I reach into the freezers and begin putting things in the cart. As I'm staring into the cold, deciding over whether I should get cheese or pepperoni pizza, I hear a voice behind me.

"Definitely go with pepperoni." The male voice says. I spin around to see Holden Strauss standing beside my cart, his hands deep in his pockets.

"Holden!" I shout, tossing the box of pepperoni pizza in the cart and hugging him. He smells of sweat and old spice cologne; it's intoxicating.

"How have you been?" I ask happily when I pull back.

"Good. Going to school at Hollis, and still involved with martial arts. It looks like life is treating you kind. Who is this little munchkin?"

"This is Brennen, Ezra and I's youngest. And don't be fooled by my smile _or_ thin figure for that matter. Life has been hell since he was born." I explain, tickling Brennen's feet.

"Uh oh." Holden frowns. I nod.

"Hey, I've got to get this shopping done but afterward I'm free. Do you want to go get some coffee at the Grille and catch up?" I ask.

"Yeah, sure, that would be great!"

"Alright. How does four sound?"

"That works for me."

"Alright. See you then." We hug again and then are off in separate directions, my mind running a thousand miles per minute. My subconscious sneers in my ear: You_ just asked Holden Strauss, you're old crush, out for coffee. _

* * *

The inside of the Apple Bar and Grille is warm and cozy, making the perfect escape from this cold and rainy April day. I wheel Brennen's stroller up to an unoccupied table and sit down to wait for Holden. I don't have to wait long. A few minutes past four Holden swaggers in through the Grille door, wearing the same light grey cashmere sweater as he had on when he ran into me earlier at the store. I notice how tightly it hugs him, flaunting his impeccably sculptured muscles, as he makes his way toward me.

"Hey." He whispers when he reaches the table, sliding onto the chair opposite me. "Looks like you're shopping wore the little guy out." He smiles, peering down at Brennen asleep in the stroller.

"It always does." I smile, and I catch the uncertain way Holden is staring at me.

"What's with the broken smile?" He asks disquietly, his eyes casting a helpless look over me.

I shake my head before delving into the shattered past five months. Holden sits, gaping at me over his cup of coffee, when I've finished.

"Wow." He breathes, taking a sip of coffee; I do the same. "On top of everything you two have been going through he finds out he has a son with another woman?"

I nod my head, setting my cup back down on the wooden table with a _clunk. _

"And you're going to accept this child into your home? No questions asked?"

"Oh believe me, questions were asked."

"So it's really his kid?"

Painfully, I nod my head yes.

"Does your mom think it's a good idea to let this kid come live you guys?"

"She doesn't know yet." Holden's eyes widen.

"How do you think she will react?"

"Well the fact that she wouldn't talk to me because she thought the reason I was bed-ridden for two days was because I was pregnant, tells me her reaction won't be a good one." I explain, looking down at my cup.

Holden nods. "I can see how that would be concerning when you add a new baby, or another child for that matter, on top of the fact that you're already struggling emotionally and mentally right now."

I nod my head, slowly. "But it's the right thing to do isn't it?"

"For someone who is in a stable position of course it is, but in your condition Aria, I don't know if it's the right thing to do at the moment."

I gaze at Holden, staring into his chocolate brown eyes that mirror mine. What if he is right? What if this isn't the right thing to do after all?

* * *

Pushing away the thoughts that Holden conjured up in my head regarding my decision to let Wyatt come live with Ezra and I, I sit in the passenger side of the car in the hospital parking lot as the sun is beginning to set, Ezra by my side. We climb out of the car, and hand-in-hand, begin walking toward the hospital entrance. This will be the first time that Ezra has seen Wyatt awake, as he was sleeping the first night Ezra came to see him after the call from the hospital.

Ezra and I make our way up to the third floor where Wyatt's room is, and after stopping by the nurses' station to let them know we are visiting, we follow a winding corridor until we reach room number 321.

"Are you ready?" Ezra asks quietly as we're standing just outside Wyatt's door.

"As ready as I can be for this."

Ezra leans down and kisses me gently on the forehead. Then he turns the doorknob and pushes the door open.

White-washed walls and florescent lights greet Ezra and I as we step into the room. A curly-headed boy, wearing a hospital gown and sitting up in a bed placed in the middle of the room casts his eyes upon us. Ice-blue eyes that are identical to Ezra's. I gasp, reaching for Ezra's arm. _Damn, _this is going to be harder than I thought. The T.V is playing just loud enough to hear, in the upper corner of the room next to the window. I don't look at the screen because my eyes are fixed on Wyatt, but it sounds like the movie _Transformers _is playing.

"Who are you?" The boy finally speaks.

"Wyatt, my name is Ezra Fitz, and this is Aria Fitz, my wife. I'm your father."

"They told me I had a dad, but they didn't say anything about a step-mom." Wyatt says, looking from Ezra to I.

I try to smile, to let Wyatt know it is okay. "You also have two brothers and a sister." I say.

"I don't want a new mom." Wyatt says and I can tell he is about to cry. "I don't want any brothers and sisters. I just want my mom back!" He shouts, flipping over and burying his face in his pillow as he begins to sob.

All the color drains from my face as I look at Ezra, panic stricken. He squeezes my hand, looking back at me with reassurance, before letting go and walking over to Wyatt's bedside.

"Wyatt, I know you're very upset right now. But I promise you Aria is not here to replace your mom in any way. I know it's hard to understand all of this right now but we would love for you to come and live with us and a part of our family. I've missed out on the last nine years of your life and I don't want to miss out on any more."

The room is quiet for several seconds, except for the sound of Wyatt crying. Finally, slowly, Wyatt lifts his head and peeks up at Ezra.

"I really have brothers?" Wyatt sniffs.

Ezra nods, "Yes, and a sister. We haven't told them about you yet, but we will if you decide to come home with us."

"I want to go home with my mom."

Ezra looks at me and mouths: _Try, please? _I shake my head. Just then a nurse comes in through the door. She smiles at Ezra and I as she walks over to Wyatt's bed.

"How are you feeling Wyatt?" The nurse asks in a sweet voice.

Wyatt answers by sniffling. The nurse crouches down beside the bed so that she is level with Wyatt.

"Wyatt, I know that you're sad and scared right now but Mr. and Mrs. Fitz are here to help you, if you allow them too. They need time to adjust to this as much as you do." The nurse rubs Wyatt's back, quickly checks his vitals and then motions for Ezra and I to follow her out into the hallway.

"Wyatt is going to need to see a therapist regularly in order to help with grieving the loss of his mother as well as the changes that will be coming. This would all be something that would be done whether he was living with you or in an orphanage. However, given the fact that he has a father, you Mr. Fitz, I don't advise letting him have a choice on whether he wants to go with you or not. He is too young to make that decision, and we both know sending him to an orphanage isn't the right one."

Ezra nods before speaking. "We have a family therapist who would love to take Wyatt on as a client. As for his choice, Aria and I agree fully, and we have already agreed to open our home to him."

The nurse smiles, updates us on Wyatt's condition and then, saying bye, turns on her heel and walks down the hall.

"Why don't we go say bye to Wyatt? We've got a busy day tomorrow and you need your rest." Ezra asks. I nod my head weakly in response, already feeling drained about the process we will endure with Wyatt to get him back to his normal self. The same process, I remind myself, that I'm still enduring.

* * *

**What did y'all think about that Holden/Aria moment! I just had to bring Holden into this story, and he will end up playing a significant part throughout the rest as well, but I can't say his role in it. ;) I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter! Don't forget to review, review and review! I still have over one hundred readers per chapter, but less than ten reviews! **

**The next few chapters may be updated a little less often as I am finally (though unfortunately) getting some writers block with this story! Grr! I haven't had any up until chapter 12 (the next chapter, which took me over a week, compared to a day, to finish writing.) Hopefully mean old writers block will go away soon! Can't wait for y'all to read what happens next! Enjoy and review!**

**Amanda**


	12. Strong Enough

Chapter 12: Strong Enough

_ "Mommy is gonna get you!" I coo, crawling on my hands and knees after my two-year old twins who run, screaming and giggling, away from me. Ezra pops out from behind the couch, where Lila and Benny have taken cover._

_ "Boo!" He shouts, and the twins run away again, giggling loudly. This time they hide under a blanket. _

_ "Hmm. Daddy, where did our little monsters go?" I smile. _

_ "I don't know Mommy. They aren't under the table."_

_ "And they aren't behind the wall." I say, pretending to look behind the living room wall that extends past the kitchen._

_ Ezra and I creep closer to the blanket, then, together, we throw the blanket off of the twins. They squeal with laughter as we each snatch one of them up into our arms, tickling their tummies as they squirm against our grasp. _

_ "Gin daddy gin!" Lila squeals when Ezra sets her back on the floor. Benny struggles from my arms and runs to get the blanket._

_ "Li-li!" He screeches at Lila as he dives under the blanket. Lila turns away from us and dives at the blanket. Ezra and I hear a thud as her head connects with Benjamin's and a second later both of their painful cries pierce the playful atmosphere. _

_ "Uh-oh." I frown, reaching out and pulling Lila into my arms as Ben crawls out from under the blanket and goes to Ezra. _

_ "Sissy hurt me!" Ben cries, point his little finger at Lila. _

_ "Bubba, sissy didn't mean it." Ezra tells Ben, rubbing his head. After a few minutes Lila and Ben finally quiet down._

_ "Can you give hugs to Bubba Lila?" I ask, and Lila nods. She climbs out of my lap and falls into Ezra's, wrapping her arms around Ben. _

_ "Sowwy." Lila apologizes, and Ben hugs her back._

_ "Awh thank you Lila." Ezra says as the twin's yawn at the same time. _

_ "Looks like we better get these tired babies into bed Daddy." _

_ "Want to race Benny?"_

_ "Ezra!" I scold, giving Ezra a look that reminds him our children were just hurt._

_ "Aria…"_

"Aria…Aria?"

Ezra's voice penetrates my dreams. My eyes flutter open slowly, adjusting to the soft golden sunlight that spills across the room. They land on Ezra, sitting at the edge of my bed, rubbing my back.

"What?" I mutter sleepily.

"Ella and Byron are here. You need to get ready to go."

"Go where?" I mumble, my eyes drifting shut as Ezra continues rubbing my back.

"Our appointment with Dr. Sullivan is this morning remember?"

"You rubbing my back soothingly isn't going to help me wake up any quicker." I snap playfully, Ezra pulls his hand away quickly, slapping my barely-covered butt purposefully in the process.

"Ezra!" I squeal, laughter filling the space between Ezra and I as I leap onto Ezra, knocking him backwards onto the floor with a thud. I land awkwardly in his lap, both of us in fits of laughter.

"That got you up quick." Ezra smiles and I slap him on the arm, scowling playfully.

* * *

"How are you doing Aria?"

"Good. I still have moments where I completely lose it, but my moments of happiness are gaining in numbers."

"I'm glad to hear that. Remember that the antidepressants you are taking can cause sudden suicidal thoughts so if you feel like you're spiraling dangerously out of control suddenly call myself or your doctor right away."

I nod my head, thinking amusedly that Dr. Sullivan sounds like she is recording a commercial.

Dr. Sullivan pauses before speaking again. "Have you returned to work yet?"

"Just that day." I respond vaguely, as the amusement of her previous reply falls away, leaving behind raw emotion still embodied within me.

"The day Ezra found out about Wyatt?"

I nod my head.

"How was it?" She questions, but I don't hear her. Instead my thoughts are lost in the moment when Ezra told me about Wyatt, my reaction upon hearing the news. How I knew instantly that the decision I made would affect my healing process with PPD. How scared I was that I had made the decision to care for another human being when I could barely care for myself.

"Aria…Aria." Dr. Sullivan's quiet voice pulls my attention back to her. I look at her, a dazed expression written on my face.

"How was your first day back at work?" She asks again.

"It was…okay." I say. In fact, my first day back had been great, I was glad to be getting back into my familiar routine and spending time with my colleagues as we gossiped about the latest town news; up until I had collapsed in the hospital parking lot that is.

"Aria, I know there is a lot going on right now, in your life and your mind. But you have so much to be thankful for. I want you to try to focus on the positive things in your life as you take on this new responsibility of caring for Wyatt. It may take some time to be able to focus on those positive aspects, but they are all around you, and focusing on the positives instead of the negative emotions and thoughts will help you in fighting away this depression."

"I don't know how easy that will be." I say in response to Dr. Sullivan's advice, which seems overwhelming to even think of.

"I didn't say it was going to be easy, but I can assure you if you try it will be worth the improvements, even if they are minimal."

"Is there anything else I can do to help?" Ezra says, speaking for the first time since we've arrived.

"Just keep up with what you've been doing. Comforting and supporting her, helping with the kids and household chores. Just be there for her." Dr. Sullivan smiles at Ezra, and then turns her eyes back to me.

"That's all for today. Take care of yourself Aria, and remember what I said about focusing on the positives."

I nod my head as Ezra and I stand. Dr. Sullivan leans in to hug me.

"I'll see you next week alright?"

"Thank you Dr. Sullivan."

"You're welcome, sweetie." She smiles, and then hugs Ezra.

I leave the office with my hand claps firmly in Ezra's, hoping against all odds that Dr. Sullivan's theory about focusing on the positive aspects in my life will be another stepping stone closer to the shore of this long and winding river of pain.

* * *

Rain dances down the window panes the following afternoon as I sit on the couch in the living room while the kids nap, trying to prepare myself for the phone call I'm about to make to Ella. Scenarios depicting her reaction to the news that Ezra's son is going to be living with us run rampant in my mind, almost all of them are reactions I'm hoping to avoid. I glance at the clock to see that it is just a little after two P.M, the twins will be waking up any minute, distracting me from any chance of calling my mom.

I take a deep breath, and with shaking hands, dial her number.

"Hello sweetie." Ella's sweet, motherly voice interrupts the third ring.

"Hi Mom."

"Is everything okay?" Ella questions, and I wonder if she can hear the anxiety in my voice.

"Yeah. I just called to tell you what Ezra and I have been up to lately."

"Oh. You mean I get to find out what the secret is that you've been keeping from me."

I sigh, does she _have_ to make this harder than it already is? "Yes Ella."

"So, what is it then?"

"It's not that simple Ella."

"Oh?" She says, curiosity now laced in her voice. And so I dive into the story from the beginning, starting with the night I collapsed in the hospital parking lot when Ezra first found out about Wyatt, and ending with Ezra and I's trip to see Dr. Sullivan yesterday. There is a long pause when I finally finish.

"Well, that was not what I was expecting to hear. Are you sure you are going to be able to handle this? It sounds like the boy doesn't even want to come and live with you and Ezra. Think how hard it will be on you to help him adjust to these changes while you are still adjusting to changes you are going through yourself." I cringed at her use of the word 'boy'.

"I understand everything you are saying and I know this is going to be difficult. But it's the right thing to do Mom. Not just for Wyatt, but for Ezra too. That's his son, and he doesn't know a thing about him. Wyatt is young, he will understand when he is older that what we did for him was the best thing for him at the time. It would be so much harder if he ended up bouncing from foster home to foster home for the rest of childhood."

"I know it's the best decision for him. But I still don't believe it's the best decision for you sweetie. Doesn't he have other family who could take him?"

"No. Ezra is his only family he has left."

Ella sighs on the other line, and I can tell she is conflicted on the matter. "Aria, I know nothing I say is probably going to change your mind, but I just want you to be absolutely sure this is something that you can handle."

"I'm getting better Mom. I can handle this. Trust me." I tell Ella, but as I say the words aloud I wonder again if I really am getting better, and if I am strong enough to handle what is coming.

* * *

**What did y'all think of this chapter?! Of Ella's reaction? Do you think Aria's decision to take Wyatt in is good or bad, will she follow through with it? Please review! I love reading everything y'all have to say! The comments truly make my day! **

**Amanda**


	13. Remember When

** I just want to thank all of you who have been so generous to read my story and leave such amazing reviews! I am glad I have so many dedicated readers that look forward to reading each new chapter! **

**I don't mean to single this reviewer out, but there was one review that was somewhat negative, posted about the last chapter and I just want to say a few things regarding that. First of all I'm sorry you don't like where this story is going and feel that I'm a different writer. I am the same writer as I was on Fairly Foolish. Trust me. This is just a different genre of writing then Fairly Foolish, which was happy and exciting. When I began planning this sequel I knew what I wanted, I knew I wanted it to be deeper and involve real life issues that people in this world face every day and by writing this story I am helping to spread awareness about these common illnesses and issues. I feel that this story is soo much better in Fairly Foolish, in that my writing has improved so much in the year plus that I first started writing Fairly Foolish. And my readers are able to see my writing in a different light with the genre of this storyline. **

**To all of my readers I won't give away the story of course, but I do know where it will end and I can say that all of you will be very happy with the ending! The next several chapters will have sweet moments, happy moments and rocky moments. I look forward to the rest of this story's journey with y'all and truly hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**(Again italics is flashbacks, which is what the majority of this chapter is.)**

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter 13: Remember When

_I sit anxiously on the edge of the bathroom counter, twiddling my thumbs and trying not to look down at the three pee-covered sticks that sit beside me. Finally, after what seems like an eternity, the alarm on my phone dings loudly. I hurry to switch it off and then peer down at the sticks._

_ Three little pink plus signs meet my gaze. I scream, flying off the counter with the sticks clutched in my hand. I nearly fall down the stairs in my rush of excitement, screaming happily the whole way. Even the fact that Ezra and I's twins are sound asleep in their beds doesn't stop me from shouting,_

_ "Ezra! Ezra!"_

_ Ezra comes dashing out the kitchen, a look of utter surprise on his face. He doesn't have time to question what my screaming is about before I launch myself into his arms. He staggers backwards, trying to keep his balance as he holds onto me._

_ "I'm pregnant!" I shout excitedly, waving the sticks in front of Ezra's face. The look on his face goes from utter surprise to completely ecstatic._

_ "Y..You're…You're pregnant!?" He smiles happily as I nod, then spins me around in his arms. "We're going to have another baby!" He shouts, as if exclaiming it to the world. _

_ "We're going to have another baby." I whisper now, as I lean in to kiss him. Our make-out session is cut short however when the twins' begin to cry, wanting to be let out of their rooms and downstairs so they don't miss whatever it is that is going on._

_ "Let's go tell Lila and Ben!" I squeal, jumping down from Ezra's arms, but he catches my wrist and spins be back into him._

_ "They can wait one more minute while I kiss their mother." And his warm, soft lips are on mine again as his fingers slip into my curly chocolate-colored hair, twisting a lock in between his long fingers. _

_Roughly 9 months later_

_ "One last push and you will meet your baby boy, Aria." My midwife, Kelley, encourages as I take a rest in between contractions. Hot water swirls around me in the oversized plastic tub that Ezra and I have erected in the middle of our living room floor. It had been my idea this pregnancy to have a home water birth since my all-natural birth of the twins at the hospital had gone so well (other than the fact that Ben was born with the cord wrapped around his neck and not breathing), and so far this was the best birth experience I had endured. I had already been five centimeters dilated and nearly one hundred percent effaced when my water had broken earlier this morning, so dilating the other five centimeters had felt like a breeze, especially with the water to help me keep calm. _

_ Another contraction pulls at my stomach and I bare down with all the strength I have left to muster. Seconds later Brennen's little body slips into the water beneath me. I let out the breath I am holding as I turn and scoop Brennen up, placing him on my chest. Kelley immediately suctions out his mouth and nose, Brennen begins crying instantly. _

_ "Good job baby." Ezra says with tears in his eyes as he leans down to kiss me before turning his gaze onto Brennan._

_ "Hello baby. Shh, shh." I coo, cuddling Brennen close to me._

_ "Can you grab a towel Kelley?" Kelley nods and places a towel over Brennen, who is still screaming against my chest. I try and shush him, rocking him and offering my breast but he continues crying inconsolably. _

_ "He's got a set of lungs on him!" Kelley laughs. "I've never heard a baby cry for so long." _

_ "Is something wrong?" I ask, panic rising in my voice._

_ "Why don't we let Ezra cut the cord and then I'll check him over, I can weigh and measure him as well." Ezra takes a pair of scissors from Kelley, and after she clamps the cord, cuts it. Kelley takes Brennen and sets him down on the towel covered couch. She places the ear buds of her stethoscope into her ears, and then presses the cold metal end against Brennen's bare chest. Brennen cries loudly, flailing his little arms as his tiny lips quiver with screams._

_ "Why won't he stop crying?" I ask Ezra worriedly._

_ "I think he is just a little startled to be in this big, open world and no longer in his cozy warm womb." Ezra says, rubbing my hand comfortingly. "Why don't you get out of the tub and dry off. When Kelley is done with him, you two can lie on the couch and rest. _

_ I nod and climb carefully from the tub, wrapping myself in a large towel and settling down on the other end of the couch where Ezra has propped up several pillows for me to lean against._

_ Kelley finishes up her exam of Brennen, weighing and measuring his length last._

_ "He is seven pounds, thirteen ounces and exactly 20 inches long." Kelley announces as she writes something down on her chart. She diapers Brennen and then swaddles him tightly receiving blankets. Brennen immediately stops crying, his little face red from him screaming. _

_ "There you go buddy, back to mama." Kelley tells Brennen as she places him back in my arms. His ice-blue eyes, identical to Ezra's, are open and he stares up at me and Ezra quizzically. _

_ "Hey there bud." Ezra pets his soft hair, and Brennen's eyes begin to droop. "Lila and Benjamin are going to spoil him with love."_

_ "Yes they are." I answer, staring at Brennen, now sleeping quietly in my arms. _

_ "I love you." Ezra lifts my chin and places a chaste kiss on my lips, smiling as he pulls away._

_ "I love you too."_

_ "I'm going to help Kelley clean up. Let us know if you need anything." I nod my head and return my gaze onto Brennen. My heart flutters as I look down at him. But somehow not in the same way it fluttered when I first saw Lila and Ben, when all the pain had melted away with instant admiration. I fell in love with them instantly, yet for some unexplainable reason I wasn't overwhelmed with instantaneous awe at the tiny little human I was holding in my arms. If felt as if I couldn't love another child._

_(Line)_

_ The couple of days following Brennen's birth I struggled immensely with bonding and getting him to latch onto my breast. I was calling poor Kelley at all times of the day, crying worriedly that Brennen wouldn't latch and that I was beginning to give up on trying to breastfeed altogether. Kelley comforted me, and reminded me that sometimes it takes a while, and soon I was able to get Brennen to nurse finally, though each feeding was a five minute long battle just to get him to latch. Adding to the frustration I felt with nursing and having difficulty bonding with Brennen was the fact that I was much sorer this time around then I had been after having the twins. Ezra, luckily was able to get a full six weeks of paid maternity leave from Hollis and I was glad that I would have him around to help out for so long. Two days after Brennen was born Lila and Ben finally came home from staying with Ella and Byron. They squealed and giggled when Mimi and Papa brought them into my room to see Brennen, big smiles across their faces. They touched, kissed and held Brennen, showing him off to Mimi and Papa and telling everyone else who stopped by later that day that they had a new baby brother. They were as excited as I had expected them to be, but I wasn't as excited as I had wanted to be when I introduced Brennen to his big sister and brother and th rest of the family. Instead I felt numb._

These memories flash through my mind as I sit next to Ezra on the couch, Lila, Ben and Brennen sitting on our laps as we get ready to tell them about Wyatt. It feels so long since Brennen was born, as if it were years ago rather than months. I stare at the twins who are playing with Brennen, trying so patiently to wait for the news we are about to tell them. I wonder if they will have the same reaction to Wyatt that they had with Brennen or if it will be entirely opposite. I glance up at Ezra and see that he is eyeing me concernedly. I take a deep breath.

"Lila, Ben, are you ready for mommy and daddy's news?"

"Yes!" They shout, jumping up and down on the couch.

"Settle down you two, this is important." Ezra tells them.

"Are we getting a puppy!?" Ben squeals.

"No, we are not getting a puppy. We already have Charli." Ezra says. The little Maltese lying on the floor looks up at him expectantly when he says her name. Lila and Ben make pouty faces.

"But…" I begin, "You are getting another brother."

"Are you gonna have another baby mommy?!" Lila asks excitedly. I shake my head.

"You and Benny have an older brother. He hasn't lived with us because he has a different mommy, but he has the same daddy as you two." The twins look blankly at Ezra. "His name is Wyatt. He is nine years old and his mommy died recently so he is going to come live with us. Daddy is his daddy too." I explain, hoping it makes sense in their little four-year old minds.

Lila and Benjamin look at each other, their faces going from confusion to excitement instantly. "When is he coming!" They shout together, jumping up and down on the couch again.

"We are going to go pick him up from the hospital in a little while." Ezra tells them.

"Why the hospital?" Lila asks.

"He was hurt in the crash and caused his mommy to die." Ezra says.

"Oh." The twins answer. "But mommy is going to be his new mommy now?" Lila questions, looking at me.

"Maybe not right away, he is sad that his mommy died, so he isn't going to call me mommy for a while, if at all." The twins are quiet for a few minutes, as if pondering all that has been told to them, then they begin jumping around in excitement once more.

"Can he sleep in my room?!" Ben asks.

"We'll see. How about we go and pick him up first?" Ezra offers. The twins' faces light up again. "Yeah! Let's go!"

"Wait a minute, one more thing. You two need to be calm when we go get him, we have some presents for you to give him as a welcome home gift, but try to keep your excitement contained a little, he isn't too excited just yet." Ezra warns.

The twins' nod they run off to get their shoes and jackets. I take another deep breath and Ezra kisses my lightly on the forehead.

"I'm glad that went over well." I say.

"I knew it would. Are you ready for this?" He asks, pulling me close to him.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

**This chapter is dedicated to the 26 brave and courageous, children and staff members who were killed in yesterday's shooting in Newtown, CT.**

**May you all rest in peace and never be forgotten.**


	14. Welcome Home

Chapter Fourteen: Welcome Home

The sounds of Lila, Ben, and Brennen playing happily in the living room fill my ears the following morning as I fry sausage, bacon and pancakes on the kitchen stove. The only sound I don't hear is Wyatt joining in with them. Instead he is shut in his room, where he has been since last night when he went to bed, a full hour before Lila and Benjamin's bedtime.

Last night when we had arrived at the hospital, Wyatt had been shy with the kids at first, as was expected. Lila and Ben had even become shy, simply setting their gifts to him on the end of his bed and then running back to Ezra and I. We told Wyatt that he could wait to open the gifts until he got home, but he had just turned away and said that it wasn't his home. He quietly followed us out to the car, and when Ezra told him he could pick his favorite restaurant for us to eat at, he said he didn't have one. After we ate at the Grille we had come home, shown Wyatt around the house and his bedroom ( Ben insisted that Wyatt could move in with him any time he wanted to), and had decided to come downstairs to watch T.V, but Wyatt said he was tired and would rather go to bed, despite it only being six thirty. I had only seen him twice since then, when I had checked on him before going to bed and upon waking up this morning, he had been sound asleep each time.

Ezra had had to leave early for work this morning so I hadn't gotten a chance to talk with him yet about Wyatt's first night. I finish cooking the sausage, bacon and pancakes and dish out serving onto four plates, adding fresh fruit on the side and a cup of organic almond milk to go with it. I call Lila and Ben to the table to eat, and take Brennen with me upstairs to give Wyatt his breakfast.

Holding Brennen and the plate of food with my right arm and hand I knock three times on Wyatt's door with my left hand.

"Wyatt breakfast is ready." I call. No answer. I knock again and then gently ease the door open. Wyatt is sitting on the bed, leaning back against the headboard, a picture album spread open on his lap. He looks up when I come into the room.

"What are you looking at?" I ask warmly, smiling at him as I set Brennen down on the floor and then sit down at the end of the bed. Wyatt doesn't respond, he closes the album and sets it aside, turning his eyes upon the plate of food in my hands.

"You can eat in here if you that makes you more comfortable, but just until you get settled in. We have dinner together as family most nights." I hand Wyatt the plate and he begins eating without saying a word to me.

"Wyatt you are part of our family now. I know this is a hard adjustment but Ezra and I want to make you feel welcome and at home here. Let me know if you need anything okay? I'll be downstairs." I kneel down to scoop Brennen up, and then turn for the door.

"I want my Dad." Wyatt mumbles under his breath, just loud enough for me to hear and stop in mid-stride out the door.

I frown. "Ezra is at work right now but he will be home this afternoon. I'll let him know that you want to talk to him okay?"

Wyatt nods faintly.

I return back downstairs and get Brennen in his high chair just as my cell phone rings. The caller I.D says _Honey. _I press the answer button and hold it between my shoulder and ear while I prepare Brennen's food.

"Good morning." I say.

"Hey baby, how is he doing?" Ezra asks.

"Okay. He is still in his room. I had to bring him his breakfast."

"Darn, I was hoping he would be a little more comfortable by this morning."

"Me too. But he did say he wanted you. He even called you Dad."

"Hey! Well that is a good start!"

"I was surprised to hear it. I just hope he comes down soon, Lila and Ben want to play with him very badly."

"I know they do. Wyatt seemed excited that he had siblings though, so maybe you should let the twins go up alone and talk to him for a little while. They may be just what he needs to come out of his shell a little."

"That sounds like something to try. I will send them up after breakfast."

"Alright. I've got to go babe but I'll call you back on my lunch hour okay?"

"Okay."

"Love you."

"Love you too." I click _End _and resume feeding Brennen his breakfast, stealing bites of my own sausage and pancakes when Brennen's mouth is full.

After Lila and Ben are finished eating I send them upstairs to try and talk with Wyatt.

"Don't bug him too much, just see if he wants to play or watch a movie." I tell them before they bound up the stairs two at a time. Fifteen minutes later however they are back downstairs playing in the living room.

"He didn't want to play with us mommy." Ben says, a rejected look upon his face.

"He said he wants to be alone." Lila explains softly.

"But he did open his presents we gave him. He said he liked them." Ben adds, his lips spreading into a smile.

"You tried at least. We're just going to have to give him a few more days to settle in." I explain to the twins as my cell phone rings loudly from the kitchen counter. It's Emily, probably calling to ask about Wyatt and check to see if I need anything. I answer the phone and talk with her for several minutes, assuring her several times that I'm fine and don't need any help right now.

* * *

The rest of the day goes by in the same manner as the morning: taking care of the twins and Brennen, checking in on Wyatt often, answering endless phone calls from Ezra, Spencer, Hanna, Ella and Byron and even Holden. By the time Ezra walks in the door a few minutes past three thirty I'm ready to crawl into bed and shut the world out.

"Hey baby. Are you doing okay?" Ezra asks as he takes me into his arms tightly and kisses me.

"Barely. I'm so tired. The twins didn't nap today and Brennen has been fussy since he woke up from his afternoon nap. And your son is still up in his room."

Ezra kisses me on the forehead. "I'll go talk to him and then play with the kids and make dinner while you take a nice long hot bath okay? Does that sound good?"

I nod my head as a yawn pulls at my lips, spreading them open into an _O _shape.

Ezra sneaks past me and up the stairs as I amble back into the living room. I flip the T.V channel to the local news while I wait for Ezra to relieve me.

_Ezra's POV_

As soon as I've changed out of my work clothes I walk down the hall to Wyatt's room. I knock gently.

"Hey, Wyatt, it's me bud." I say, letting him know I'm coming in as I turn the knob. Wyatt is sitting on his bed, fingering one of his new toys that Aria and I got for him as a welcome home gift.

"Do you like that?" I ask, pointing to the top-like toy that spins into a bowl shaped arena when you pull on a plastic wand-like tool that threads through the top.

"Yeah, mom never would buy me a Bakugan, even though I wanted one."

I smile, knowing that he is happy with the toy. I sit down on the edge of the bed.

"Can I play with you while we talk?"

Slowly, Wyatt nods his head, then hands me a top and wand.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"So," I begin, lacing the wand through the top, pulling it and letting the top fall, spinning, into the bowl. "Was your day okay?"

Wyatt shrugs.

"You know you don't have to hide up here all day. I know you may not be ready to play with the kids or talk too much, but you can still come downstairs for meals, and to watch T.V, or just play by yourself in the living room."

"I just want to be alone."

"I know. You are dealing with something that no young child should have to be faced with. But just know that we are here if you need anything, okay? We both understand what it is like to be grieving for the loss of a loved one."

Wyatt's baby blue eyes fill with tears, and as he nods, they slip silently down his cheeks.

"Come here bud." I toss the toy aside and embrace Wyatt, tears now slipping down my cheeks. His body is warm against mine, as he melts against me, sobs now racking his small body.

"Why did she have to die?" Wyatt chokes out in between sobs.

"I don't know buddy. I don't know." I cry, unashamed to let my own son see his father cry. After a few minutes of comforting Wyatt, he pulls away from me, his saddened blue eyes gazing up into mine.

"Did you love her?"

"Yes I did. Just as I love you."

Wyatt's cracked lips break into a small smile and I pull him back into my arms once again, longing to gain back the nine years of his life I missed.

* * *

**What did y'all think of this chapter!? I love the Wyatt/Ezra moment at the end. I hope y'all enjoyed it! The next chapter probably won't be up for a week, I've been neglecting to write so I need to get busy on it! Please don't forget to review! **

**Happy Holidays to y'all! **

**Amanda**


	15. Rough Seas

**Hey everyone! I hope y'all had a very merry Christmas! Here is the new chapter of Salt in the Sea! It's a bit shorter than the last few, but don't worry, the next several chapters will be long again! I'm not really liking the end of this chapter. It was a bit hard for me to write, even though I knew what I wanted, but hopefully it does itself justice and y'all enjoy it! Don't forget to review, review and review! I love reading them! Next chapter will be posted in 2013 so y'all have a fantastic New Year and stay safe! **

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Rough Seas

The rest of the week goes by in the same manner as Wyatt's first day, with him continuing to refuse to come out of his room until dinner time when Ezra is home.

Friday morning as I finish bathing Brennen, Ezra's comes upstairs to remind me of our appointment with Dr. Sullivan that afternoon.

"Hey, baby, I'm off to work. I'll be back around twelve-thirty so we can get ready to see Dr. Sullivan."

"That's today?!" I exclaim in shock.

"Yes. At two, did you forget?"

"Uh, no. I just…My medicine you know, causes me to forget things sometimes."

"Aria, are you sure that's a normal side effect?"

"Yeah it says on the box that mental clarity can be affected."

"Okay, as long as it's not happening all the time. I don't want you to forget you're my wife or anything."

"Oh shut up!" I playfully slap him on the wrist.

"Okay baby, I have to go. See you in a few hours." He kisses me on the lips and then coos to Brennen before leaving the room.

"Let's go get you dressed. Mimi should be here soon and then we are going shopping for funeral outfits." I explain to Brennen as I carry him into his bedroom to dress him.

Ella arrives just as I have finished dressing Brennen and helping the twins get dressed.

"Mimi!" Ben and Lila cry, running into Ella's arms when she enters their room.

"Hello! How are my favorite twins?"

"Good." Ben and Lila chorus as they run off to play.

"Where is Wyatt?"

"In his room. Can you take Brennen? I will go and let him to know to get dressed."

Ella nods and takes Brennen into her arms. "Hi there baby boy!" She coos.

I walk down the hall to Wyatt's bedroom door and knock on it gently. "Wyatt may I come in?"

After a moments' silence he answers back, "Yes."

I push the door open and enter the room.

"We are going to go get outfits for your Mo-." I begin, but stop myself, not wanting to upset Wyatt. "I…I need you to get dressed and brush your teeth and hair."

"I don't want to go."

"Ezra isn't here so you have to come with me."

"I don't want to!" Wyatt repeats, his voice growing louder and angry.

"Why don't you want to go?"

"I just don't want to go anywhere. I want to stay here."

"I understand that Wyatt but you are too young to stay here by yourself."

Wyatt turns away from me, muttering angrily, "I'm not going anywhere with you. You're not my mom."

Trying to ignore the stab of pain that flashes through my body at his words, I sit down on the edge of the bed. "Wyatt," I begin softly, but his words cut me off.

"I said I'm not going!" Wyatt screams. "Leave me alone!"

Stunned into silence, open-mouthed, I stand and leave the room, shutting the door behind me. Ella is standing at the end of the hall, Brennen in her arms and Lila and Ben standing at her sides, looking fearful.

"Maybe I should stay here with the kids." Ella says. Her voice sounds far away, and I feel myself sliding, as my body shakes with sobs, down the wall, crumpling into a ball on the floor.

"Go play in your room." I can barely hear Ella say to Lila and Ben. I vaguely hear her footsteps running closer to me and then her dropping to her knees beside me, Brennen still clutched in her arms.

"Aria, please don't do this now." Ella cries. "You're babies are watching."

"Ezra…" I mumble. "I want Ezra Mom." I sob. Ella takes me in her free arm, embracing me as tears roll down both of our cheeks.

"Okay. But let's get you to bed first." Reluctantly, and with every ounce of strength I have left, I let Ella guide me into Ezra and I's room and onto the bed. I hear her speaking to Ezra on the phone as my heavy eyelids fall shut and sleep overtakes me.

"How long has she been asleep?"

"Not long. She fell asleep almost as soon as I got her into bed."

"I'll go talk to Wyatt for a while so she can sleep."

I can hear Ezra and Ella's voices close by but as hard as I try to open my eyes, they remain shut. I feel the bed creak as someone stands, and then shuffling footsteps that fade away as Ezra leaves the room. Sleep embraces me again before I have the chance to call his name.

* * *

When my eyes finally open without putting up a fight, I notice night has fallen over Rosewood. The room is completely dark except for a sliver of golden light that falls across the room, cast from the slightly open door. I can hear Ezra and Ella's voices again, coming from down the hall and realize, after looking at the clock, that they are putting the kids to bed.

"Ezra!" I call out.

"Mommy!" I hear Lila cry out in return.

"Lila, stay in bed." Ezra tells her, his voice tired and stern.

"No! Mommy!"

"Let her go Ezra." I shout, pulling myself up against the headboard. I hear Lila running down the hall and a second later the door bursts open, light spills across the room now as Lila runs up to me. I scoop her up into my arms as Ezra appears in the doorway.

"I love you Lila. It's time for night-night now okay?"

Lila nods, kissing me on the lips. "I love you Mommy. Night."

"Go with Mimi. Mommy has to talk to Daddy."

Ella takes Lila's hand and they walk back down the hall.

"Is Ben asleep?" I ask as Ezra flicks on the light and shuts the bedroom door.

"Yes." Ezra walks over to the bed, and I notice his face creased with worry.

"He yelled at me and I lost it." I state, tears brimming in my eyes.

"I know." Ezra gazes at me with impassive blue eyes.

"He is pushing me away. I don't know what else to do." I choke out as Ezra pulls me into his lap and I lose everything I've been working so hard to keep together.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this Ezra. I can't keep living like this. It hurts too much. I can't keep going on with life like nothing is wrong with me. I can't… I can't pretend to be happy around the kids anymore when I'm not…I'm not. I'm not happy anymore. I can barely remember the last time when I was really happy and all I think about is how nice… How nice it would be to just go back to when it was just the twins and us, back when I was truly happy."

"Shh. Don't say that." Ezra whispers in my ear, his voice catching in his throat.

"Ezra if you leave me here by myself for four days while you are on that business trip…" I'm unable to finish my sentence as I gaze, teary-eyed, into Ezra's watery eyes and notice they are filled panic and fear.

"Aria." Ezra takes my face in his hands. "You will be fine. You will have Ella and Byron and the girls. It's only four days and baby you know I would stay if I could but I have to go. I wish I didn't, but I do. I don't want to leave you." Ezra adds, pulling me into him, and his tears slip into my chocolate-colored hair, leaving it a tangled, matted mess.


	16. On the Water's Edge

**Hey y'all! Here is the next chapter! This and the next chapter were supposed to be one loong one but it was over 3,000 words and I'm not even finished with the next one yet! So I decided to split them up. If I can get ten+ reviews on this chapter I will post the next chapter on Sunday. Enjoy!**

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: On the Water's Edge

The sweet tang of Japanese Cherry Blossom permeates my nose as Ezra, Wyatt and I step inside Dr. Sullivan's office the following Tuesday morning at eleven o'clock on the dot. We follow Dr. Sullivan over to the couches and sit down across from her; Ezra positioned in-between Wyatt and me.

"So Wyatt, Ezra tells me that you are having a tough time with adjusting to living with him and Aria. Can you tell me a little bit about how you feel?" Dr. Sullivan begins.

Wyatt drops his gaze toward his lap and shrugs, fiddling with his fingers.

"Would you rather they leave so I can talk to you alone for a few minutes?" Dr. Sullivan presses. Wyatt shyly nods his head.

"We'll be just a few minutes, you can wait just outside." Dr. Sullivan informs Ezra and I. We stand and exit the room out into the narrow hallway that leads to the waiting area.

"I'm sure he will open up to her now that we aren't there to hear what he has to say." Ezra assures me when I look up into his eyes with a worried expression on my face.

"I hope so."

_Wyatt's POV:_

"Alright, are you more comfortable now?"

I nod my head slowly, chancing a glance at Dr.… I can't remember her name so my eyes linger on her for a moment longer, until I notice the name badge pinned to her jacket. _Dr. Sullivan, Family Psychiatrist _it reads.

"Wyatt?" Dr. Sullivan says, snapping me out of my stupor. I lock my eyes back on her face while she continues. "Are you doing okay at Ezra and Aria's?"

I nod my head. Dr. Sullivan frowns, marking something down on the clipboard that is resting on her lap.

"Your dad tells me that you don't like coming out of your room very often and that you would rather talk to him than Aria. Is this true?"

I nod my head again.

"You understand that they are here for you and are trying to help right?"

"Yes."

"Do you not want their help?"

I shrug, turning my head to look out the window.

"Wyatt, I can't help you if you won't tell me anything." Dr. Sullivan says.

"I just miss my mom."

"Do you wish she were here?"

I nod my head again as tears begin falling down my cheeks.

"Do you like living with Ezra and Aria?"

I shrug. "I guess."

"Tell me what 'I guess' means. Does it mean you like it there or you don't like it?"

"I like Ezra."

"That's good. Do you get along with him?"

I nod my head.

"What about Aria? Do you get along with her?"

"I wish I didn't have to listen to her. She isn't my mom."

"Ahh, so you feel like she taking over as your mom when she said she wouldn't?"

"Yeah. She tells me what to do, like my mom used to."

"Wyatt, just because she is telling you what to do doesn't mean she is trying to take over as your mom. Do you understand?"

I give a half shrug.

"Do you listen when Ezra tells you to do something?"

"Yeah, because he is my Dad." I say frustratingly.

"Okay. You don't need to get upset Wyatt." Dr. Sullivan says. "Do you get upset when Aria tells you to do something?" She adds.

"Sometimes."

"Like the other day when she asked you to get ready to go shopping and you got upset because you didn't want to go?"

I nod my head.

"Wyatt, I want you to know it's okay to get upset. You are grieving the loss of your mother and anger is a way for you to channel your feelings. But I want you to do something for me okay?" Dr. Sullivan pauses, checking to see that I'm still listening as my eyes have drifted toward the window again.

"Okay." I say and she continues.

"Instead of taking your anger out on Aria I want you to use another way of channeling your anger, such as writing down what you feel or punching a pillow when you get upset. It may take you a week or two to get comfortable with using those as outlets for your anger, so just remind yourself that if Aria or anyone else makes you mad, to not yell but excuse yourself to your room to write or let your feelings out another way. Alright?"

"Okay."

"Alright, I'm going to talk to Aria and Ezra alone now for a few minutes, okay? I'll show you where the waiting room is. There are some children's books and toys that you can play with while we talk."

Dr. Sullivan leads me out into the waiting room where Ezra and Aria are sitting with curious looks on their faces.

"Okay, Wyatt, we won't be too long."

"Are you gonna be okay here bud?" Ezra asks me. I nod my head, picking up a slightly worn book of 2009 Guinness World Records. Ezra nods his head then disappears around the corner with Aria and Dr. Sullivan.

_Aria's POV:_

Ezra and I follow Dr. Sullivan into her office and once again, sit down opposite her on comfy white couches.

"Wyatt did open up to me quite a bit, though I'm not sure if what he told me was much more than he has told you."

"It hasn't been much, and I know he has told me more than he's told Aria." Ezra explains. Dr. Sullivan nods.

"I think it would be wise for me to continue seeing him twice-weekly as I do Aria. He is going through several emotions and with kids it is often harder on them as they are still too young to understand natural feelings and emotions."

"Would we be able to schedule his sessions for the same day as Aria? That way he could come in with her?" Ezra asks.

"We could definitely do that. He will be returning to school soon I expect so I will make sure that his sessions work around school so he won't be missing class."

"That's perfect. He starts school tomorrow. But I know he probably won't be too excited about having to come back and see you." Ezra tells Dr. Sullivan. She presses her lips into a firm smile.

"He might disagree with it at first but hopefully he will see that I am trying to help him and that will encourage him to want to continue coming."

Ezra and I nod in agreement.

After twenty more minutes of talking with Dr. Sullivan on ways to further help Wyatt adjust, among a few other topics, we were released.

"I'll see you and Wyatt next week then Aria, take care." Dr. Sullivan bids us goodbye as we exit her office.

"Thank you Anne. See you next Tuesday." I respond and then Ezra and I set off to the waiting room for Wyatt.

As the car coasts along the edge of curving forest-lined streets toward our house, Ezra brings up the subject of school to Wyatt, reminding him that –much to Wyatt's disapproval- tomorrow will be his first day back to school.

"I'm not going." Wyatt declares from the backseat, folding his arms across his chest and turning to cast a scornful gaze out the window.

"Yes you are, Wyatt." Ezra says sternly, peering at Wyatt through the rear view mirror.

"No I'm not. I don't want to go to a new school."

"Wyatt, this is not up for discussion. You need your education." I add, hoping now that he has seen Dr. Sullivan he will begin to come around to me. It doesn't work; Wyatt turns his blazing eyes upon me.

"You're not my mom, you can't tell me what to do." Wyatt says disdainfully.

"Wyatt!" Ezra chastises, his eyebrows furrowing together in anger. "Just because she is not your mother doesn't mean she can't tell you what to do. You need to apologize to Aria right now."

Wyatt, surprised in Ezra at reprimanding him, bursts into tears and mutters a barely audible and just as disdainful, "Sorry."

The remainder of the drive home is quiet and tense.

* * *

Despite Wyatt's intentions on not returning to school and the fights Ezra and I had to endure with him the following two days to get him onto the bus, the rest of the week went by quickly. Too quickly in fact, as Friday morning Ezra would be boarding a plane to Texas for a four-day long business trip in Galveston.

"Do you have to go baby?" I ask Ezra, resting my head on his bare chest as we lay in bed Thursday night. He kisses the top of my head.

"I have too." He frowns against my forehead.

"You better call me every night." I warn.

"Or else…?" Ezra questions teasingly.

"Or else I won't do this…" I whisper, moving my lips to his and slipping my tongue inside his mouth as our lips melt together in a dance so slow it awakens memories of the way we used to kiss. Back when I was happy and free and our kisses were full of passion, pleasure and exhilaration, when life was sturdy and strong instead of crumbling like a broken pillar at my very feet.


	17. Drowning

**Who is excited for Pretty Little Liars this Tuesday!? I ammm! I cannot wait to see more Ezria! **

**I am also very excited for y'all to read this chapter! I expect some mixed reviews on it but it is amazing to say the least. And I'm posting it today even though I got nine reviews instead of ten, so please please make sure to review this chapter! Hope y'all enjoy it!**

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter 17: Drowning

Ezra's soft, warm lips pressing against my temple wake me early Friday morning. I groan as I roll over to look at the clock: _5:30 A.M._

"I have to leave baby." Ezra whispers in my ear. I reluctantly sit up in bed, pulling the bedspread up to my chest to keep warm. Ezra leans in and kisses me on the lips.

"Have a safe flight. Call me when you get there." I say when we pull apart.

"I will. You take care of yourself okay? Call your mom if you need anything. Maybe she could take the twins and Wyatt for a night." Ezra suggests as he picks up his bag.

"Okay." I say, my voice cracking. I hope Ezra doesn't notice it but he does. He sets his bag down and sits on the edge of the bed, peeling the bedspread back and pulling me into his lap.

"Shh. What's wrong? Why are you so worried about me being gone?"

"We haven't been away from each other for this long since I got pregnant with the twins…" I choke, "I just need you now."

Ezra gazes at me with a torn look upon his face, as if deciding what decision to make.

"Aria, you know how important this business trip is to my career and how beneficial it will be to our family for me to further my education more." He pauses, swiping away a tear as it trickles down my crestfallen face. "It's only four days baby. Two really, today and Monday is just travel time."

I choke back sobs as I wrap my arms tightly around Ezra, never wanting to let go, but finally I do.

"Go back to sleep okay?" Ezra presses another kiss to my forehead. "I'll call you as soon as I land."

I nod and reluctantly, as I watch him pick his bag back up off the floor and walk out the door, I lay back down in bed, closing my eyes and trying not to think of the impending weekend as the sound of Ezra's footsteps fade away down the stairs.

I awake just two short hours later so the shrill, annoying ring of my alarm going off on the bedside table, informing me that it's seven-thirty and time to wake Wyatt for school, the first dreaded task of the day being that Ezra isn't here to help. I decide to give Wyatt a few extra minutes to sleep so I can make myself a pot of coffee. Knowing my mother is already awake I decide to call and ask about the kids coming over for the night while the coffee brews.

Ella answers on the third ring, "Hey sweetie, why are you calling so early?"

"Hey Mom, I have a question to ask."

"What is it?"

"Ezra left this morning for Texas and he thought it might be a good idea to see if you would be willing to take Wyatt and the twins for the night."

"Of course sweetie, I would love too. But what about my Brennen boy?"

"He will stay here with me. I don't want you to feel too overwhelmed."

"Alright."

"Are you sure you're okay with taking them?"

"Yes! Aria, they hardly ever get to spend the night at Mimi's house anymore!"

"Alright, thank you Mom. I will let Wyatt know that you will pick him up after school."

"When should I come get the littles?" Ella asks, using her nickname for Lila and Benjamin.

"Would eleven work?"

"Yes, that's perfect."

"Alright, thank you so much Mom."

"You're welcome sweetie. I'll see you in a few hours then."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too."

I press the 'End' button, toss my phone onto the counter and then head upstairs to wake Wyatt, trying to be quiet in the process so that Lila, Ben and Brennen stay asleep. Unfortunately for me I accidently step on one of Lila's Little Pet Shop toys that she left lying precariously at the top of the stairs, and not thinking, I curse loudly which wakes Brennen.

"Fuck!" I curse again, annoyed that I've just ruined any chance I had at falling back asleep for another hour after I get Wyatt on the bus. Trying to shush his cries so he doesn't wake the twins, I step into Brennen's bedroom, which he has been sleeping since he turned six months old, and pick him up out of his crib.

"Sorry baby. Mommy didn't mean to wake you. If Lila hadn't left her damn toy lying there…" I mumble through gritted teeth, balancing Brennen in one arm as I rub my aching foot. I limp back out into the hall and into Wyatt's room, glad that Brennen has stopped screaming though still annoyed that I now am officially up for the day.

"Wyatt. It's time to get up for school." I say, stepping up to Wyatt's bedside. He lays motionless under the covers.

"Wyatt c'mon, I let you sleep ten extra minutes this morning." I instantly regret letting him sleep in, remembering suddenly how difficult it was for both Ezra and I to get him to keep moving throughout the previous two mornings and onto the already waiting bus just before it pulled away from the house.

I gently shake Wyatt, "Get up, today is Friday, you get to sleep in for the next two days. We have to get going Wyatt."

Slowly Wyatt shuffles beneath the blankets, and then opens his eyes, peering up at me sleepily. "Where is Dad?"

"He already left for Texas." I tell him. "C'mon, let's go. I have a surprise for you but I won't tell you until you are dressed and downstairs for breakfast." I say, hoping this will get him moving quicker. Shockingly it seems to help, Wyatt bounces out of bed and over to his dresser.

"I'll be down in a minute." He says somewhat excitedly.

"Okay, breakfast will be waiting."

Less than two minutes later Wyatt appears in the kitchen as I am preparing Brennen's breakfast. He sits down quietly at the bar counter and pours himself a bowl of Lucky Charms.

"So what's the surprise?" He asks through a mouthful of cereal.

"I will let you know after you've asked me with an empty mouth." I say sternly. Wyatt swallows his food, a hurt look on his face.

"Can you tell me now please?"

"Thank you. And yes I can. You, Lila and Ben are going to Mimi's for the night. Ella will pick you up after school."

Wyatt's hurt face crumples into disbelief. "That's _not _a surprise and I'm _not _going."

"Excuse me," I say, trying to keep my composure. "But you are going. Ella wants to spend time with you as well and I need a break."

"Maybe you shouldn't have had kids then if you're just going to send us to your moms." Wyatt remarks angrily, shoving his bowl across the counter. It tips over the edge and shatters, sending slivers of glass, bits of cereal and milk flying across the floor.

"Wyatt!" I yell, just as Lila and Ben come traipsing into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of their eyes and looking inquisitively at me.

"What happened Mommy?" Lila asks.

"Stay there Lila." I bark unnecessarily, anger coursing through me. Lila dissolves into tears at the tone of my voice.

"Get upstairs and brush your teeth right now." I tell Wyatt as I grab my cell phone off the counter and punch in Ella's number.

"Lila and Ben, go get dressed and pack a bag, you're going to Mimi's." I tell the twins as Ella's cell rings, once, twice, three times. _Why isn't she answering?_

"Hello?" Ella's voice finally penetrates the line after the fourth ring.

"I need you to come get the kids now, Brennen too." I say hurriedly, anxiety overflowing my senses.

"Aria are you okay?" Ella asks worriedly.

"I just need to be alone." I say, my voice shaking along with the rest of my body.

"Is Wyatt going to school?"

"Yes."

"Okay, Aria, calm down, take a breath. I will be there in five minutes."

Feeling as though I'm watching myself in a movie, detached from my own body and mind, I take Brennen upstairs and set him in his crib with his bottle as I quickly pack him a bag. I hear the front door slam and Ella's hurried footsteps as she rushes upstairs.

"Aria? Aria!" She calls as she runs down the hall.

"In Brennen's room." I say, though my voice is barely above a whisper.

"Sweetie what's going on?" She asks as she scoops Brennen, who has been crying for the last two minutes, out of his crib.

"I…I just can't handle this today." I say.

"Okay. Go lay in bed. I'll make sure Wyatt gets off to school and then take the babies to my house."

I nod; my head spinning heavily as though full of lead as I stand and stumble into my room and onto the bed. Tears cascade like an overflowing waterfall down my cheeks. I pull my knees up to my chest as I fall sideways on the bed. _How could I have been so stupid to think I could handle raising a fourth child? How could I have been led to believe this anti-depression medicine would actually work? How could Ezra leave his sick and mentally disabled wife alone with their kids? What kind of husband does that? _Endless, irrational thoughts swirl through my mind and suddenly I feel intense hatred for Ezra at the moment. _He probably doesn't want to deal with me anymore_. A voice is the back of my mind tells me. _He can't handle it anymore. _

I have no idea if Ella is still in the house or not but before I even realize what I'm doing my fingers are dialing the number of the first person that comes to my mind.

He answers on the second ring, his voice ringing with concern.

"Aria, what's up? Why are you calling me so early?' Holden asks.

"I…can't…do this…anymore." I sob in between words.

"What?" Holden asks, panic rising in his voice.

"I can't." I sniff. "I can't do this. Everything. I can't pretend anymore. I don't want to suffer. I don't want Ezra to suffer. He'd be better off without me."

I can just make out shuffling noises and the sound of a car door slamming on Holden's end of the line. "Where are you?"

"Home."

"Alone?!"

"Yes."

"Wha- Where are Ezra and the kids?"

"Ezra…Texas…Ella has…the… kids." I mutter incoherently.

"Aria, listen to me. _Don't _go anywhere or _do _anything. Stay where you are? Do you hear me? I'm coming."

"Uh huh." I respond vaguely as my eyes fall on the full bottle of anti-depression medicine sitting on my bedside table. My cell phone slips from my hand, hits the floor with a dull _thud _and cracks, leaving a long fissure in the now black screen. I reach out for the bottle. The childproof lid is even more difficult to open in my state of mind, but finally after what seems like several time-wasting minutes I pop the lid off, tip the bottle upwards and empty the contents into my mouth.

_Holden's POV:_

As soon as the line goes dead I know I have a matter of seconds to reach Aria. Fumbling with my phone as I pray to God that Aria hasn't already done something stupid, I quickly dial Emily's cell number; the only other number out of Emily, Hanna and Spencer that I have saved in my phone. Her cellphone seems to ring on forever.

"C'mon Emily, answer the phone." I plead, as I feel bile rising in my throat.

Finally I hear her voice on the other end. "Holden?" She asks nonchalantly.

"Emily, Aria is in danger. I think she is going to kill herself. I'm on my way to her house right now."

"Oh my God! I'll meet you there." Emily says franticly. There is a clicking noise and the line goes dead.

The speedometer pulses toward sixty miles an hour as the car careens along farm lined roads toward Aria's house. Less than a minute after hanging up with Emily the car comes screeching to a halt in Aria's driveway. I fly from the car, not bothering to turn it off or shut my door as I race up the path leading to the front door, a hundred thoughts zooming around in my head. _What if it's too late? _I think as I slam against the door, it flies open with a loud crack. _It can't be too late. Please God don't let her be gone. _I'm suddenly frantic as I realize with horror that I don't know where in the house Aria is. Hoping against hope that she will answer me, I call out her name, "Aria! Aria! Where are you?"

"Where is she?" I hear Emily's horrified voice come from behind me. I spin around to face her; pure terror is etched across her face.

"I don't know."

"You go upstairs, I look down here." She suggests quickly and we both take off hurriedly.

The steps on the staircase fly beneath my shaking legs as I rush up them. Wheeling around as I reach the landing, curious as to where to look first, my eyes fall upon Aria and Ezra's open bedroom door.

"Emily! Call 911!" I yell as I rush forward into the room. Aria is slumped over in a heap on the bedroom floor, an empty pill bottle resting inches from her right hand. I hear Emily's footsteps running behind me as I lean down next to Aria, willing her to still be alive. Emily screams from behind me and I know she has seen Aria's lifeless body lying before me, and then I hear her talking to an EMT dispatcher.

"Is she breathing?" Emily cries, repeating a question the dispatcher has asked her. Instinctively I check Aria's pulse and for breath coming out of her nose.

"Yes, but her pulse is very faint." I tell Emily, she informs the dispatcher on the other line with worry in her voice.

"She is breathing but her pulse is weak. Hurry, please! We need an ambulance now!" Emily cries.

"Emily, shhh. It's going to be okay, you need to stay calm." I remind her. She nods her head, mascara staining her face as tears wash it away from her eyelashes.

What feels like hours instead of just a few minutes later, an ambulance comes to a screaming stop outside the house; it's red and blue lights still spinning even after the sirens are turned off.

"Go meet them at the door." I tell Emily. She hurries from the room and seconds later I hear the voices of paramedics and a metal clicking sound as they fold the gurney to carry it upstairs. Finally they are in the room, bombarding Emily and I with question after question as they quickly examine Aria and then carefully place her on the gurney.

"Would one of you like to ride along in the back?" One of the paramedics asks as him and his partner load Aria into the back of the ambulance. I glance over at Emily, who has tears still streaming down her face and is shaking with terror.

"Thank you but we will follow." The paramedic nods and shuts the back of the ambulance. I turn and pull Emily into my arms as the ambulance pulls away.

Emily looks up at me with wet eyes and reminds me there is something we still have to do, "We need to call Ezra."

* * *

_Ezra's POV:_

Remorse. Cold, icy remorse drips through my veins as I stare at Aria's sleeping form beneath a thick baby-blue hospital blanket. Half a dozen machines click and beep simultaneously as they monitor her stats and feed medicine through long, curving, clear tubes into her unconscious body.

I take her small, warm hand in both of mine, rubbing circles into her soft, silky smooth skin with my thumb.

"I'm so sorry I left." I cry, tears falling against my shirt. "I'm so sorry." I kiss the back of her hand, willing her to wake up or at least hoping she hears me.

I gaze forlornly at Aria, my wife and the mother of my children. How did I let her slip so far away from me? I lean over her body, clutching her as close to me as I possibly can as the tubes make it difficult, desperate not to let her slip farther away.


	18. A Little Bit Stronger

**Hey guys! I hope y'all like this chapter! Sorry for the late update, my life has been crazy the past two weeks since I've gone back to school! And once again thank you thank you thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I enjoyed reading last chapter's so much and seeing what everyone thought! Enjoy this one y'all!**

* * *

Chapter Eighteen: A Little Bit Stronger

_Aria's POV:_

The panicked sound of people shouting my name fills my ears as blurry dots dance in front of my eyes. Blind, I lay paralyzed, unsure of where I am as the voices in my ears fade away into silence.

. . . .

The hum of more voices flickers in my ears, fades and then resurfaces.

"How long is she going to be asleep for?" I hear a male voice say, though I can't determine who it is speaking.

"We've taken her out of the induced coma so she should be coming around any time." A female voice answers.

"Should we be aware of anything as she begins to wake up?" The guy says again, and I realize with a pang of longing, who the husky, sweet voice belongs to. Ezra.

I will my eyes to open so I can see Ezra's familiar face, but my eyes remain closed, almost as if they are taped or glued together. Panicking I try to move my toes, my fingers, anything to get Ezra to know I am awake. Nothing happens, and before I can try to speak, the voices fade again and sleep pulls me away.

. . . .

White light flashes against the back of my eyelids. I groan, my hand flitting up to cover my eyes without me even realizing I can move now.

"Aria!" I hear Ezra's voice close to me, filled with hope. I struggle for a moment to open my eyes, but finally the seal that seems to have been keeping them shut breaks and I'm staring into ice-blue eyes I never thought I would see again.

"Oh Aria." Ezra cries, burying his face in my hair as he leans forward and pulls me, as much as he can with tubes running in and out of me, into his arms. Tears fall from both of our eyes as Ezra holds me, and it's with obvious resistance that Ezra finally pulls away, his tear streaked face still inches from mine.

"What…happened?" I ask, my voice hoarse and dry when I speak.

"You don't remember?" Ezra asks, fear playing across his defined features.

"I…remember…taking the…the pills."

Ezra nods. "You overdosed Aria. You were talking on the phone to Holden and then you just weren't. He knew something bad had happened and he called Emily. They rushed over to the house and found you unconscious on our bedroom floor with an empty pill bottle. They called 911 and an ambulance brought you to the hospital. You had to have your stomach pumped and they put you into an induced coma. They feared you would try to harm yourself again when you woke up."

I cringe. Picturing Holden and Emily's horror-struck faces when they found me, probably suspecting it was too late…that I was already… I can't focus on the last word, suddenly overcome with guilt.

"I'm sorry, Ezra. I'm so sorry." I cry as the tears fall harder now. Ezra pulls me back into his arms. "I just couldn't go on like that anymore, and you were…were gone. I didn't know what to do."

"Shh. It's okay. You're here now. You're alive." Ezra coos into my ear, rubbing soothing circles into my back with his left hand.

"Your…your business trip. What day is it?" I ask, suddenly curious as to how long I've been in the hospital.

"I didn't even board the plane. I got the call right as they were calling my flight and I ran through the airport so fast I thought security would stop me." Ezra says, I giggle quietly, imagining Ezra being questioned by security, and then reality hits me again.

"So what…what day is it?"

"It's Tuesday."

"Tuesday?" I mutter.

Ezra nods his head and before he can respond the door swings open and a nurse walks in.

"Good afternoon Ezra. Aria, I'm glad to see you're awake. My name is Catherine and I'm you're evening nurse." She says as she walks over to my bedside.

"You're stats are looking good. I don't want you getting up and walking around too much just yet okay? The bathroom and a little moving around the room is all. You still need plenty of rest. I'll be in a little later to remove the catheter, okay?" Catherine says. I nod and she vanishes back through the door.

"I better call Ella and let her know you are awake." Ezra says, reaching into his pocket for his cellphone. "If you feel up to it she can bring the kids."

"I don't want them to see me like this."

"Aria, they miss you."

I turn away from Ezra's expectant face. "Ezra I just… I can't…I don't want them to…I miss them, I do. I want to see them but I don't want them to see me like this." I say, tears running down my cheeks as I turn back to face Ezra. His expression is solemn.

"Okay." He says gently, brushing a strand of hair out of my face. "I'll go call Ella." He smiles weakly at me before stepping out of the room. I gaze out of the wide hospital window, the source of the light that awoke me. Bright sunlight spills across the white hospital room, my mood unreflective in the happiness that surrounds the outside world.

* * *

Thursday morning, my doctor, a middle-aged man with graying hair by the name of Dr. Tibbett, announced that he would be discharging me that afternoon.

"I've also scheduled a session with Dr. Sullivan for three o'clock today just after you've been released. I know it may seem early but she feels it is best to talk to you right away."

"Okay." I respond, simply, because it doesn't seem too early to me. The past two days I have had plenty of time to think about how my attempt to commit suicide has affected not only my family and friends but myself. I'm ready to move forward with my life and work harder than ever to beat the depression that I've let weigh me down for so long already.

After filling out the necessary heaps of paperwork that must be filled out in order to be discharged and packing the few clothes and items that have accumulated during my hospital stay into a duffel bag, Ezra and I head down to the hospital entrance, my hand clasped tightly in his.

"Are you excited to see the kids after the appointment?" Ezra asks as we walk across the hospital parking lot toward the car, the heat from the overhead sun warm against our backs.

"Yes." I say, a smile spreading on my lips. Except for the first time in months it's a real, heartfelt smile instead of a fake, unhappy smile.

"Ella is going to meet us at home afterwards."

"Good. I can't wait to hold my babies." I tell Ezra as he stuffs my bag into the car and then opens my door for me.

"I can't wait to have you home." He says, his ice-blue eyes sparkling in the sunshine, and he leans down and kisses me. His warm, moist lips mold into mine as if the sun itself is melting them together. Ezra pulls away after a few moments and I climb into the car, Ezra shutting the door when I'm seated. He walks around the front of the car and climbs in, shuts the door and starts the engine.

"Ready?" He asks. I nod, breathing in a deep breathe.

"Nervous?"

I nod again, "A little bit."

"It's okay. You can do this. You are stronger than anyone I know and I love you for that."

"Ezra…" I start, blushing, but he stops me, pressing a finger against my lips.

"Don't. You are. You may not see it yet, but I do. Ella and Byron do. Emily, Hanna and Spencer do. Our _children _do. You are strong Aria, and with your family and friends beside you, you can get through anything."


	19. Jar of Hearts

**Had to push myself to finish this chapter as I've been sick the last few days, but it's finally here, and you will love it! As for the rest of the story, I am planning on only a few more chapters! Ahh I know the end already?! But don't worry I'm already in the works on a new oneshot as well as another full story. If any of y'all have been reading my story, Run With Me, it's going to be on a temporary hiatus as I have no idea where to take it currently. Hope the new stories I will be posting and the rest of this stories chapters' will be okay enough though! Anyway, thanks so much for the reviews and enjoy this chapter!**

**Amanda**

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Chapter Nineteen: Jar of Hearts

"Hello, Aria, Ezra. Come on it and sit down." Dr. Sullivan's melodic voice greets Ezra and I as we follow her into her office. The shades on the windows are open and vibrant sunlight flows across the room, catching on the diamond chandelier hanging from the ceiling that sparkles in the light.

"We have a lot to talk about." Dr. Sullivan says, getting comfortable on the sofa across from Ezra and me. "But firstly I want to let you know how happy I am that you are here sitting in front of my Aria. As you can imagine I was very concerned when I learned that you attempted suicide."

I smile warmly, "Thank you for being concerned."

"Aria, before we begin I just want to make sure you are aware that you will no longer be taking the medication prescribed to you."

I nod my head. "Yes, Dr. Tibbett informed me."

Dr. Sullivan nods in approval. "In fact, Dr. Tibbett and I have agreed that you no longer need medication for your depression."

I stare at her, dumbfounded. "But, how will I continue to get better if medication isn't helping me?"

Dr. Sullivan smiled, turning her eyes upon Ezra. "The answer to your question is sitting beside you."

I turn to Ezra and he gives my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"We will of course be slowly taking you off the medication so as not to induce or provoke withdrawal symptoms, but even so there is a possibility that you may show signs of withdrawal. If you do, and I will give you a pamphlet that informs you about it, I want you to contact your doctor immediately. You've already suffered from it once before, when you decided to stop taking the medication on your own accord, and we don't want a repeat of that."

"But why are you taking me off of it completely? Is it because I tried…killing myself?" I ask, my voice cracks on the word 'killing'.

"Yes. It is not uncommon for users of anti-depression medication to suddenly have suicidal thoughts and try to commit suicide. And when it does happen it is often caused by the medicine, in which case the medicine can no longer be taken if it is increasing the level of depression rather than decreasing it."

I nod my head in acceptance. Dr. Sullivan shifts some papers on her clipboard then gazes back up at me, a solemn look upon her face and I know she is about to ask a serious question now.

"What was going through your head on Friday morning that made you want to commit suicide?"

Taken aback by her blunt question I turn to Ezra.

"Aria, I'm sorry if it was blunt," Dr. Sullivan says, as though she read my mind. "I understand that it will be hard to talk about, but I need to know what happened so I can continue helping you."

I nod my head as the painful memories of that morning come flooding back to me, clear and sharp as if I were watching a movie. I grimace as they play before my eyes and I see Wyatt's cereal bowl shattering on the ground, me yelling at him, the look of fear on his and the twins' faces. Ezra squeezes my hand again.

"It's okay baby, you can do this." He encourages, and I know he wants to find out what caused me to snap as well, because I can only assume that up until now the only idea's he's had of what happened came from our kids.

I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and then focus my eyes on Dr. Sullivan. "It started with Ezra leaving for Texas," I begin. "I didn't want him to leave me alone. I was…afraid something would happen. And it did." I pause. Dr. Sullivan and Ezra's eyes are fixed upon me and the only sound that breaks the otherwise silence is the thudding of my heart as it beats wildly in my chest.

_Wyatt's features turn to utter disbelief when I inform him that he is going to Ella's after school with the kids. _

_ "That's _not _a surprise and I'm _not _going!" He says angrily, his eyebrows raised in fury._

_ "Excuse me." I tell him, hoping my face doesn't portray the fact that I'm losing my patience. "But you are going. Ella wants to spend time with you as well and I need a break." I say, hoping that will convince Wyatt. But it doesn't, and what happens next has me spitting in anger._

_ "Maybe you shouldn't have had kids then if you are just going to send us to your Mom's!" Wyatt screams heatedly, and in the next moment he is sending his cereal bowl flying across the kitchen counter. Before I can even react, it hits the floor with an ear-splitting crash, sending shards of glass, bits of cereal and milk all over the floor at my feet. _

_ "Wyatt!" I yell, fury building quicker than a hot fire inside of me. Lila and Ben have traipsed downstairs at that point, rubbing their little eyes sleepily as they stare at me at the same time in shock. _

"Aria?" Dr. Sullivan says, breaking my reverie. I realize there are tears in my eyes as I look up at her, and before I can fully register the look of concern upon her face, the truth begins spilling out of me like a water faucet turned on high.

By the time I'm finished recounting the story, fresh in my brain, I'm sobbing uncontrollably in Ezra's supporting arms.

"Shhh. I never should have left you by yourself Aria. I'm so sorry. I promise to never leave you again." Ezra whispers in my ear, tears trickling slowly down his cheeks as well.

"Aria, I know that was very difficult for you to re-tell, and I can see you need some time alone with Ezra, so will end our session here for today alright?" Dr. Sullivan says comfortingly.

I nod my head as Ezra pulls me to my feet, his arms wrapped around me protectively. Dr. Sullivan steps forward to hug me, and I can see that her eyes, too, are glistening with tears.

"I'll see you guys next week." She adds as we step over the threshold of her office and into the hallway.

"Thank you Anne." I hear Ezra respond before he closes the door behind us. Ezra holds me close as we walk out to the car. He helps me in before climbing into the driver's seat.

"We don't have to go straight home if you don't want too. We can go somewhere and talk." Ezra offers, starting up the car. I shake my head.

"I just want to go home."

Ezra takes my left hand in his right, clutching it tightly. "Okay."

* * *

I'm still a hot mess when we pull into our driveway fifteen minutes later. I can see the Lila, Ben and Wyatt peering anxiously out of the living room window. I give them a teary smile and wave.

"Are you ready?" Ezra asks, his eyes on me.

"Not yet. I need a minute." I say. I dig through my purse and pull out a wad of Kleenex. Slowly I wipe away the tears that have streaked my face with make-up, careful not to mess my eyeliner up anymore, and then reapply it along with mascara. I stuff the Kleenex, blotted with inky-black spots, and my eyes make-up back into my purse.

"Okay. I'm ready." I inform Ezra. He gives me a reassuring smile and we climb out of the car. Ezra takes my hand in his again as we walk up the path and into the house. I take a deep, calming breath as the door opens and then I'm staring into babies' eyes.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Lila and Ben shout, running over to me as quick as their little feet can carry them. I kneel on the floor just as they jump into my arms. It feels so good to hold them in my arms again, to inhale their sweet scent. I'm overcome with emotion as the thought that I nearly took away my right ever see them again comes sweeping over me. The make-up I so carefully wiped away just moments ago is surely smudging my face again as the tears pour down my cheeks.

"Mommy, Mimi told us that you were sick and in the hospital." Lila states. I nod my head, unable to speak at the moment. Her sweet little four-year-old voice is just how I remembered it, high-pitched and full of love.

"Are you better now Mommy?" Ben asks, his chocolate-brown eyes I've missed so much judging how I might react to his question.

"Not quite yet, but I will be soon." I say, glancing up at the sound of a baby cooing. Ezra is holding Brennen, his little feet and arms flailing in the air, and a silly grin on his face.

"Hi baby boy!" I coo back at him, taking him in my arms. He seems so much bigger and older since I last saw him and I can't help but think that it's because I haven't truly admired him since the day he was born. In fact, he seems like a completely different baby since I last saw him nearly a week ago. "You're so happy!" I coo to him, and he giggles back, trying to stick his finger in my mouth.

Reluctantly I pull my gaze away from Brennen when something suddenly hits me around the knees. I look down to see Wyatt's tear-filled eyes staring up at me.

"I'm sorry I made you sick." Wyatt chokes out.

"Oh Wyatt, you didn't make me sick buddy. I was already sick. It's not your fault." I say as I squat in front of Wyatt so that I'm level with him, and take him in my free arm. He immediately wraps his arms around my neck.

"I didn't want my brothers and sister to lose their Mom too." Wyatt states. I'm taken aback at his sudden words and the tears being flowing again.

"It's okay Wyatt, they're not going to lose me and you aren't either. Whenever you are ready for me to be your Mom too I will, even it's years from now and you have a family of your own. I'll always be here for you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, bud."

"I love you, Aria." Wyatt sniffs, his arms still wrapped tight around my neck.

My vision blurry and my heart full of warmth and love, I whisper back, "I love you too Wyatt."


	20. Skyscraper

**Here it is! Sorry about the spaces in between them getting longer! I've been very busy with school, work and my business, life has been good! I really like this chapter! We get a lot cute, fluffy Ezria and family life with them! I hope y'all enjoy! And thank you so much for all your wonderful reviews! They mean so much to me and I'm so blessed to have such amazing readers! **

**Amanda**

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Chapter Twenty: Skyscraper

The following week after I've been released from the hospital proves to be joyful yet difficult. My time is focused mainly on meetings with Dr. Sullivan, Wyatt accompanying me to the now three meetings I have to attend each week for the next six weeks, and reading books that Dr. Sullivan has suggested will help with my healing process. The little time I get to spend with the kids I enjoy to the fullest extent, guilty of so much lost time in the past seven months.

The late June sun beats down upon my skin as I lounge in a bikini on a chaise on the back porch watching Ezra, Lila, Ben and Wyatt play in the pool while Brennen naps on a blanket under the cool shade of an umbrella beside me.

"Aria come play with us!" Wyatt yells from the pool, flinging a pool noodle through the air.

"I will when Brennen wakes up." I call back, glancing at Brennen to make sure he hasn't woken just yet.

"But Mommy I will be cold then!" Lila calls out, hugging herself and pretending to shiver, her lips already a faint blue. I giggle.

"Oh, alright! But we have to keep an eye on Brennen! I don't want him waking up and falling off the porch."

"Yay!" Wyatt and Lila say happily, splashing the water.

"Daddy can watch out for Brennen." Benjamin says. Ezra scowls at him, his hands raised in question.

"Why me?" He asks Ben.

"Because Mommy had her turn, now it's yours." Ben replies. Ezra shrugs.

"Sorry hon." I say as climb the ladder and slip into the pool. The water is cold and refreshing on my bare skin, hot from the sun, and I sink into the water up to my shoulders, closing my eyes and relishing the feeling.

"Are you glad you got in?" I hear Ezra's voice whisper in my ear.

"Mhm." I nod, opening my arms and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Ew, get a room!" I hear Wyatt say from somewhere in the pool. I smile against Ezra's lips as they brush against mine before melting into them in a warm, sweet kiss. My hands move from his neck up to the base of his hair, twisting in his chocolate brown curls, as Ezra's lips move against mine.

"Mommy!" I hear Lila shout from the distance, but I'm too caught up in the moment to pull away from what I've been missing for so long. "Mommy!" Ben has joined in now, his voice fading away as he finishes my name.

"Aria." Ezra whispers in my ear, his lips so close I can feel his breath. My eyes flash open and I'm lying on the chaise on the porch, Ezra is standing over me, holding Brennen in his arms. Lila, Ben and Wyatt are hanging over the edge of the pool, watching curiously. It takes me a minute to realize I had been dreaming, and not actually in the pool with Ezra and the kids.

"Brennen just woke up and when I heard him crying I looked over here and saw that had fallen asleep. I wouldn't have woken you but I don't want you to get sunburnt." Ezra explains, shifting Brennen in his arms.

I sit up in the chair and reach for Brennen, who nearly falls out of Ezra's arms while reaching for me. "How long was I asleep for?" I ask Ezra.

"Twenty minutes or less."

"Okay. I'm going to get something to eat for Brennen and change his diaper and we'll come in the pool for a bit, he is burning up, poor baby." I say, kissing Brennen on the forehead. He begins fussing as I stand and move into the cool sanctuary of the house.

"Mommy didn't mean to fall asleep baby. Are you hungry?" I sit Brennen in his high chair and pull a jar of pureed baby fruit from the fridge. I offer it to Brennen but he pushes the jar away with his cubby little hand, fussing again and arching his back.

"Okay, okay. Let's change you and then you can go play in the water. Does that sound like fun? You love water!" Brennen smiles at the silly face I make while I lay him down on the living room floor. I change him out of his diaper and into a waterproof one that won't soak up half the pool, lather some baby sunscreen over his little writhing body and then place a blue sun hat on his head, which he immediately pulls off.

"Bren, mommy would be very happy if you kept that hat on your head." I laugh in exasperation, carrying Brennen, and the hat, back outside.

"Here you go Daddy." I say when I reach the pool and hand Brennen over to Ezra. He places Brennen in his infant floatation seat that's looks like a duck. Brennen squeals in delight and splashes his hands in the water.

"Okay guys, no splashing now that Brennen is in the pool." Ezra tells the kids.

"Awh, why does he get to splash?" Lila asks, her lips pressed into a pout.

"He makes little splashes. Remember our splashes are too big and might tip him over or get water in his face. That wouldn't be good." Ezra explains to Lila, even though she's heard it a hundred times. Even though she knows the rule of no splashing when Brennen is in the pool, she always tries to get us to change our minds and allow her to splash. Not only does she look like me, she has my same persistent and bubbly attitude, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

* * *

The soft click of the camera shutter echoes in my ear as I hold the ancient Rolleiflex camera up to my face, the one Ezra bought for me when I was still in high school. As I review the image of a bouquet of mellow mauve tinted wildflowers I hear Ezra's footsteps coming up behind me. I feel his arms snake around my waist and he rests his head on my shoulder, viewing the photo I've just taken.

"You know, I really should get you a new camera." He smiles, ice-blue eyes crinkling with silent laughter. I detect his hint of playfulness and whip around, out of his reach, snapping the shutter before he realizes what hit him.

"Are you sure?" I ask, snapping another photo. "This one seems to work just fine." Ezra reaches his hand toward me and I spin away, giggling like a teenager. Ezra is coming toward me now, a look of pure pleasure on his face. I turn, letting out a high pitched scream as I run out into the yard, trying to get away. Somehow he corners me, pushing me up against the side of the house so that his face is just inches from mine. Our breaths come in heavy rasps as Ezra lips melt into mine and Ezra's hands entangle in my hair, the early evening sun slowly sinking over the horizon. After a minute Ezra pulls away as the warm evening breeze sweeps over us.

"Why did you dig that old thing out of the box under our bed for anyway?" Ezra asks softly, his fingertips lingering lightly just under my ears.

"Dr. Sullivan said it would be beneficial to my recovery to get back into an old hobby. She said it would give me something else positive to focus on and do for myself. The twins' kind of changed my plans to get into photography right after high school like I had planned on, so I figured now was as good a time as ever."

"I think that's a great idea. But you still need a new camera."

"Well after I enroll in college I'll let you buy me one."

"College?"

"You know I want to get my Bachelor's degree in fine arts."

"But now, when the kids are little?"

I nod my head, a sly grin on my face. "It's now or never."


	21. Not so Safe and Sound

**Soo sorry about the long wait in updates! I have been incredibly busy with homework and work! I'm on a two week break now from school so I will have much more time to write though! I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! I love the ending! **

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Chapter 21: Not so Safe and Sound

A bouquet of bright red, orange, fuchsia, pale yellow and light violet flowers, shadowed by thick green bushes and trees, paint the entry way to the house. July is hot. While I water the array of plants in the yard, the kids play in the cool sanctuary of the covered front porch. It isn't much cooler but the kids enjoy being able to still play outside and watch as I tend the yard.

From where I stand, pouring water over the dry dirt beneath a rose bush, I can see Ezra in the side yard, his shirt off, muscles flexing, as he pushes the lawn mower back and forth along the yard. The hum of the mower steady in my ears. I finished watering the flowers and lean down on my hands and knees to pull a few weeds that have scattered throughout the flower bed since the last time I weeded it, which was just last week.

"Mommy?" I hear Lila's angelic voice break through the quiet summer air.

"Yes baby?"

"Can I help you?"

"Sure sweetie but just for a few minutes. I don't want you to get a sunburn." I tell Lila as she pushes the gate on the front porch open, shuts it behind her and comes down the steps toward me. She kneels beside me, pulling her little Dora gardening gloves out of my gardening box and putting them on her hands. She pulls at a tough green weed, nearly knocking herself over when the roots finally release from the ground.

"Woah! That was a tough one wasn't it?" Ezra's voice sounds from behind me and Lila jumps up.

"Yeah! Look how big it is Daddy!"

"I see! Good thing you're so strong!"

"Yeah! I'm strong just like you!"

"You sure are." Ezra says. Lila tosses the pulled weed into the pile and returns to her knees to pull more as I stand up and pull my gloves off.

"Hey, how's the lawn mowing going?"

"Just about done. Looks like you're almost done with the yard work."

"Almost. Lila makes a great helper, I should be done soon."

"Alright, well I'm going to head in a shower real fast, we have to leave soon for Dr. Sullivan's."

"Okay. I'll clean up out here and bring the kids in. Spencer should be here soon too. The kids are excited to see her and Liam."

"I know. They haven't seen Liam for a while now. They'll have fun."

"Yeah they will."

"Alright, I'm getting out of this sun before I turn into a lobster." Ezra smirks, gazing up at the blazing sun. I laugh, smacking his butt as he walks away.

"Okay Lila, time to go inside." I tell Lila just as Brennen begins to fuss. "Auntie Spencer will be here soon with Liam." I hurry to pull Lila's gloves off and place my tools back in my gardening box and hurry up to Brennen, Lila on my heels.

"Yay Liam!" Ben exclaims as I'm reaching down to pick Brennen up. I glance up in time to see Spencer's silver Toyota Camry pulling into the driveway. It comes to a stop and she steps out, wearing a teal flowing tank top that nearly conceals her protruding belly and just covers the waist of her denim shorts. Her hair is pulled back into a long, shiny ponytail.

"Ugh, it is way too hot out here for a pregnant woman." She greets as she carries Liam up the path toward the porch, setting him on the ground as she reaches the steps.

"Well aren't you enjoying being pregnant!" I tease, my voice dripping with sarcasm. I can tell Spencer is glaring at me even from behind her Gucci sunglasses.

"If it was anything like it was with Liam then yes I would be enjoying it, but this baby is determined to remind me that it exists at every waking…and sleeping, minute. Oh, and if Toby could just hurry up and figure out what the hell is wrong with our air conditioner or at least consent to get a new one then this Mama would be much happier." Spencer vents to me as we make our way inside the house, ice-cold air instantly enveloping us as we step over the threshold.

"Well at least you're glowing." I reassure her as she sinks down on the couch.

"Ugh, I feel more like a sweaty pig than a glowing, radiating pregnant woman."

"Are you sure you want to watch the kids?" I question as Spencer lifts her feet up onto the coffee table.

"You're not trying to kick me out of an air-conditioned house are you?" Spencer replies back haughtily.

I raise my hands up in surrender. "Of course not! I just don't want you to overdo it."

"I'll be fine. Trust me. Liam has the energy of both Lila and Ben, I'm sure I can handle three of them for a couple of hours."

"Alright, Ezra should be out of the shower by now so I'm going to go get cleaned up. Sounds like the kids are in the playroom. Holler if you need anything."

Spencer takes Brennen from me, shooing me away with her hand.

Fifteen minutes later, Ezra, Wyatt and I are walking out the door to the car. Ezra swings my hand, clutched in his, as we hurry to get into the car and turn on the air conditioning. Fresh, cool air flows across my face, sending strands of my hair swirling in front of my eyes when Ezra starts the engine.

"Buckled in Wyatt?" I ask, turning around in my seat to check that Wyatt is buckled in properly. He nods his head in response, eyes already focused on the Nintendo DS clutched in his hands. Ezra backs out of the drive and in a moment the brilliant green manicured lawns and overflowing gardens of Rosewood become a blur of color as the car drifts down side streets.

Less than fifteen minutes later we pull into the parking lot parallel to the old brick building that houses Dr. Sullivan's office. The waiting room, painted in neutral earthy tones and decorated much the same, is a cool escape from the overwhelming heat momentarily pressing against us on our walk from the car to the front door of the building.

"Good afternoon!" Claire, the receptionist sitting behind the front counter, trills when we reach her desk.

"Hello Claire. How are you?" I ask.

"Great! Here to see Dr. Sullivan?"

"Yes."

"Alright, I will let her know you're here."

"Thank you."

Ezra, Wyatt and I move to sit down on one of the plush pale-green couches that trim the waiting area. It's just a few minutes wait before Dr. Sullivan calls us back to her office, a smile spread across her face.

"It's so good to see you. How have you been doing?" Dr. Sullivan asks as soon as we sit down in her office. She pulls out her notebook and pen and my file.

"Good. We've been enjoying the sun."

"So have I." Dr. Sullivan says. Pausing, she flips open my file, shuffling through a few papers until she finds the one she is looking for, then her eyes return to mine.

"Still having nightmares?"

I nod my head, a rush of memories of waking up from the most recent nightmare, last night, running through my mind. A quiet, blackened room, the sudden ear-piercing sound of screams, and the soothing touch of Ezra's hands running over my body penetrate my senses for a split second.

And then I'm back in the office, facing .

"You've had one recently?" Dr. Sullivan asks, her expression growing concerned.

"Last night." I say quietly, looking over at Wyatt. He is still engrossed in his video game and I am thankful that he isn't paying attention. He doesn't need to know about the nightmares that have been plaguing me since I woke up in the hospital after my near death experience.

"And are they about the same thing?"

"Yes, every time. But now they're getting more intense. I scream longer when woken by them and it's harder for Ezra to get me calmed down."

Dr. Sullivan nods her head, scratching something down in her notebook.

"These nightmares, though extremely realistic and frightening, are a common symptom of PTSD, as we know you have. It just appears that your PTSD has begun to become more extreme since your incident. I don't want to place you back on any medication just yet, but I certainly want to keep any eye on these nightmares. They may dissolve away completely over time, or they may continue to get worse." Dr. Sullivan explains.

"Is there anything else I can try to help ease them?"

"Make sure you're going to bed calm, not stressed, with a clear mind. Take a bubble bath before bed. Just try to relax as much as possible. Focus on your hobbies, photography and writing, and of course your family. Try to focus more on the positive improvements rather than these nightmares. Other than that there isn't much you can do but wait to see if they go away I'm afraid.

I nod my head, feeling Ezra's eyes on me and my hand clutched In his.

"But other than the nightmares you're still not feeling any sudden signs of anger, sadness, fatigue or thoughts of suicide?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Good. Aria, you really are healing remarkably well. I expected this process to be much longer, but despite the nightmares, you are doing amazing." Dr. Sullivan says proudly, scribbling something else down on her pad.

"Thank you Anne." I smile.

"You're welcome sweetie. Okay, now let's see if we can pull this boy away from his game long enough to talk for a few minutes. Wyatt?"

Wyatt looks up at Dr. Sullivan, his ice-blue eyes expectant, a playful smile on his face. But all I see are the ice-blue eyes that star in my dreams, revengeful, ice-cold eyes that glare up at me, lost in a salty sea.


	22. Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

**Finally updating this! So sorry it's been forever! School, work and writer's block don't make for easy writing! But I'm on a roll today! I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! It's got some fluff, some sunshine and some cloudiness! I'm working on the next chapter right now so hopefully the next update won't be so far away!**

**Enjoy and please, please review!**

**Amanda**

* * *

Chapter 22: Sunshine on a Cloudy Day

The morning mist clings to every inch of my exposed skin as I lay face-up in the middle of a grassy meadow which seems to extend infinitely. Black nightfall fades into early morning indigo, taking with it the twinkling light of a thousand white stars. A shadow steps in front of the vanishing moon just as a blood curdling scream pierces the night.

I wake up screaming; beads of sweat stick to my forehead, and then slide down my face as I sit up in bed. I clutch my chest, fighting to regain my breath as I remind myself it was just a dream. The covers on Ezra's side of the bed are thrown back and as my thudding heartbeat slows and quiets I can hear his soothing voice over the baby monitor. He is comforting Brennen who no doubt has awoken from my screams.

I reach over onto the nightstand for my glass of water and gulp it down. The cool liquid provides instantaneous relief for my burning throat. The time on the bedside clock reads a quarter after five a.m. I set the glass back down on the table and lay my head down on my pillow, staring out of the window at the sun that is just beginning to break over the cloudless Rosewood sky. As I stare into the brilliant fuchsia that streaks the sky, introducing a new day, my thoughts wander to the dream. I fight to remember as many details as I can, but by now all I remember is the shadow a young boy standing over me and the resulting scream that stings my throat.

I'm still fighting for more of the dream when I feel the bed sink under Ezra's weight as he climbs in next to me. Wordlessly, he wraps his arm around me, pulling me close to him.

"You're going to see Dr. Sullivan today." Ezra finally says, his voice calm and quiet, yet firm. There is no room for argument and we both know there is no need for it either, so all I say in response is, "Okay."

Three hours later I'm awoken by Lila screeching in my ear. "Mommy! Today's our day! Today's our day! Wake up! Let's go!"

I remind Lila that our special Mommy-and-Me day at the nail salon is still a couple of hours away. "Lila-Belle, our appointment isn't until ten o'clock. We still have two hours."

"Okay but we have to get ready!" Lila smiles happily, jumping up and down at the side of the bed.

"Doesn't Daddy get to go too Lila?" Ezra asks sleepily, rolling over and resting his head on my side so he can see Lila.

Lila squeals with laughter, "Silly Daddy! You can't get your nails painted!"

"Well why not?" Ezra asks, tickling Lila's tummy.

"You're a boy!"

"Boys can't get their nails painted?"

"No! That would look silly!" Lila says, jumping up onto the bed and onto Ezra, knocking him onto his back. Benjamin and Wyatt come bounding into the room and immediately jump on top of Ezra.

"Oh!" Ezra moans as the boys' elbows and knees hit Ezra in the stomach.

Smiling, I lean over and kiss Ezra on the cheek, whispering, "Have fun, I'm going to go get Brennen up and call Anne." I roll out of bed, leaving Ezra to his own defense against the kids while I slip out of room.

I can still hear the kids and Ezra squealing and laughing when I make it downstairs with Brennen. I change his diaper on the living room floor and then place him in his highchair while I warm up a jar of his favorite baby food: bananas. I toss a handful of Cheerios on his tray to keep him from whining while the bananas warm up. Thirty seconds after I shut the microwave door, the timer dings. I blow air onto the jar of bananas as I stir them; I dip my pinky in to test the temperature and when I'm satisfied that they won't burn Brennen's taste buds off I offer him a spoonful which he greedily sucks down.

Turning my phone on speaker so I can continue feeding Brennen, I dial Dr. Sullivan's office number. The receiver clicks on the third ring,

"Dr. Sullivan, Familial Counseling, how can I help you?"

"Good morning Anne, its Aria."

"Hello Aria! How are you dear?"

"I'm doing okay. I was actually wondering if I could schedule an appointment with you for this afternoon. Those dreams I've been having are getting worse and both Ezra and I are really concerned about them."

"Of course, I have an opening at two pm this afternoon. Will that work for you?"

"Yes, that is perfect."

"Will it just be you and Ezra then?"

"It will just be me."

"Alright Aria, I will see you at two o'clock then."

"Thank you Anne."

"You're welcome sweetie, enjoy your morning."

"You too. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

"Whew." I blow air out through my lips. Brennen looks at me quizzically and then laughs, his two baby teeth poking through his bottom gums, barely visible. "Mommy doesn't think it's funny. Mommy is nervous to hear what Dr. Sullivan says about these dreams." I coo at Brennen. He coos back and then squeals happily at something behind me. I turn to see Ezra watching us, Lila swaying upside down in his arms, Ben clasping onto his right leg and Wyatt clinging precariously to his back.

I laugh at Ezra's predicament, wondering how he possibly made it downstairs with three little monkeys clinging to him. "Daddy, I'll save you from one. Come on Lila-Belle lets go take a shower so we can start our day!"

"Yay!" Lila screeches as I swap the jar of bananas for her. Brennen complains when I hand the bananas over.

"Don't worry buddy, Daddy will feed you." I tell Brennen.

"Are you ready to escape from this cave of testosterone Lila?" I tease. Ezra flashes me a playful look that says I will be in trouble when I get home.

"Yes!" Lila shouts, oblivious of the real meaning of my statement. "Bye Daddy! Have fun in your cave of 'esosrone!" Lila waves as we bounce up the stairs, Ezra and I both in a fit of laughter.

* * *

"Alright girly, what color do you want?" I ask Lila when we step into the cool, sun-lit entrance of Heather's Nail Salon. Lila wanders over to the wall on the left side of the room where the nail polishes are kept. Her little brown eyes roam over the hundreds of bottles of nail color, sweeping past the tacky colors, circling back to the sparkly ones. Finally she points to a small bottle on the third row up. It's a pale grey, titled Coconut.

"I want that one with pink stones!"

"That is a great choice little lady!" Heather, the store owners says as she walks up to us. "What's your name?"

"Lila."

"What a pretty name for a beautiful little girl!"

Lila clutches my leg, burying her face. "Thank you." She whispers just loud enough for Heather to hear her.

Heather smiles at her, grabs the bottle of nail polish and then turns to me. "And what are you going to choose?"

"I'll just stick with the French White manicure."

"All right, and are we getting just finger nails today or toes too?"

"Toes too, please Mommy!" Lila says, looking up at me, all traces of shyness vanished.

"We can do toes too." I smile at Lila.

"Yay!"

Heather and another employee lead Lila and I over to the chairs and begin prepping our nails. Lila squeals and giggles throughout the process of her feet and hands being cleaned, claiming that it "tickles". I force myself to relax as I enjoy watching Lila get her nails done for the first time, trying not to let my feelings about my appointment with Dr. Sullivan puncture this happy moment.

* * *

"Tell me about the dream you had last night." Dr. Sullivan says, nearly halfway through our appointment time.

"It was about Wyatt. I was laying in the grass, in the middle of nowhere. Dawn was just beginning to break, so it was dark. Wyatt appeared over me and then I woke up screaming."

Dr. Sullivan nods, scribbling something across the page of her notebook. "What do you think happened to you in the dream?" Dr. Sullivan asks when she is finished writing.

"I think he killed me."

"But you're not sure?"

"No."

"And this was different then all of the other dreams you've had about him?"

"Yes."

"The other dreams you've told me about were consistent. In each one you described being in a blackened room, and that you awoke screaming. I think this dream you had last night was a continuation of that. It was a breakthrough. You finally realized where you were to an extent and though you don't know the actual ending, you suspect what it might be: your death. These dreams are trying to tell you something. Mostly all of our dreams do. I believe that your dreams, as an extension of your PTSD, are telling you that you're still wary of how Wyatt coming into your life is going to affect you. You may be worrying that your marriage, future, or mind may fall apart…end. Your consciousness is ending things in your dream by Wyatt ending your life. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

I nod, unable to utter a sound, because Dr. Sullivan is right.


End file.
